Outlook Men Opinion - The strong black woman

DO NOT fear the strong black woman (SBW). We know them. Some of us men love them, some of us hate them, some of us are intimidated by them, but one thing is sure.

We can't ignore them.

Of the many 'thems' in Jamaica, which particular variety is this?

The strong woman. The strong black woman, to be more specific.

When income-generating potential shifted from brute labour to intellectual capacity, with the help of mechanisation, it changed more than just how many men it took to bring in the sugar crop. It changed the dynamics between men and women forever.

And with more and more women going to school, sitting closer to the teacher, paying attention, going further, up rose the strong black woman.

Not that there were strong black women before, because they have always been the backbone (and many other bones) of the family and hence the society. But their earning potential was restricted. Therefore, they were excellent managers ­ but only in the home. They were great purchasing officers ­ but only at the weekly market trips. They were outstanding accountants ­ but only in totting up the households pounds and shillings.

Not again.

So enter the strong black woman, not necessarily dressed in the power suit, shoulder pads sticking out a la Star Trek, high heels clicking on the tiles to announce her presence to cringing underlings, her imperious voice seeming to circulate in the air-conditioning system. That's just a part of the cadre.

Definiton

She is defined not just by her job and earning power, but by her intellectual capacity, moral code, awareness of history and current affairs, strong convictions and willingness to defend such.

And some of them still stay at home ­ by choice.

It is important to differentiate between the strong black woman and the b....h of a black woman. The core difference is that the former is strong but a woman, the latter is strong but trying to be like a man. In addition, the latter often lacks self-confidence and self-esteem, trying to cover it up by appearing strong.

That is the brittle strength of cast iron.

The real strong black woman does not have to parade her strength; it is so obvious that to make a production of it would be redundant.

The other kind has to show her canine characteristics at every turn, mistakenly thinking that it is somehow impressive when it is just nauseating.

As men, we do not need to fear the strong black woman. We do not need ­ and should not try ­ to belittle her and undermine her self-confidence.

Unfortunately, many of us try.

And doubly unfortunately, many women also do the same.

It ranges from the disparaging comments about the cars women drive ("a wonda a wha she do fi dat?") to the jobs they hold ("hmm, de bass a treat har well dough"). The methods run the gamut from the snide smiles as the strong black woman approaches to direct verbal assaults ­ you know those verbal job wars.

Domination

In the relationship, many of us men try our darnedest to prove our manhood by dominating such a woman. Y'all know the strats ­ trying to score tiny points over trivial matters, making a mountain out of inconsequential things where we perceive we can gain an advantage, chipping away at her self-confidence in order to ensure she is dependent on us for self-affirmation.

And the sad thing is that some of the strong black women are so sweet that they take it all.

At the heart of this treatment is the fear that the woman will realise that she doesn't need the man and will pack her things and go ­ or take a trip to 'Joe Grind Plaza'.

Frankly, if and when a woman wants to go either way it doesn't make a whit of difference what you do, it's going to happen. Or the relationship will be so unhappy that it makes no sense continuing at all.

But the greatest thing is when someone who does not need you for financial support or as an emotional crutch wants you because you add something to their lives that just turns them on. And that is a turn on.

And frankly, if I needed a living, breathing creature to be at my beck and call to justify my manhood, I would buy a dog and scrape the plate at dinner time.

We do not need to fear, be intimidated or mistrust the SBW. Embrace her. Love her. Be respectful of her. Engage her mind. Read up some books and the newspaper, watch the news so you can converse with her. She will return it all with interest.

And that interest cannot be taken to the bank (if you get ma drift....).

Mel Cooke

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