Worried about her marriage

Dear Pastor,

I am writing because I am very distressed and I feel my whole world is falling apart. I met my husband five years ago. We started to call each other. After some time talking to him on the telephone, I became interested in him. I invited him to visit me. On one of his visits he took a ring and told me that he was not coming back to visit me until I set the date of the wedding.

At that time he was living with a woman. He told me the reason why he was leaving her. He also told me that he told her about us. The woman called me to confirm what he said. She was very upset. I told her that I am not to be blamed. She moved out and we got married. He did not have much clothes. He did not have much opportunities in life. He was always doing his little business here and there. I helped him to improve himself. He opened his first bank account and he got a visa.

When he went abroad he sent home his money. Last year he met a woman he knew long before me and they had an affair. This woman is married and she supported him but when she found out he has a child, she left him. They got back together again and she invited him to Florida. When I found out what was going on I almost committed suicide. Nevertheless, he called me constantly until he came home.

One day he took me to work and did not return in the evening to pick me up. To my surprise, he went to New York. He called me and told me that I wouldn't want him to leave so that was the best way he felt he should do it. He kept calling me and he told me of the plans he has for me. He was living with his sister in New York but they had a conflict. She ran him out of her business place.

One day he called me and I told him that I was coming to visit him, so I needed his telephone number and address. Since then he has not called me back or send me any money. His sister does not know where he is. I know he is gone back to the married woman in Florida. The sister threatened to call Immigration on him.

I am very worried about my marriage. I believe he is leaving me for another woman. He told people that he holds me in high esteem. I want to think that he is an opportunist and a user. He wants to get many things quickly. I must honestly say that he has never tried to get money out of me or tricked me.

Please pray for me. I love my husband dearly.

M., St. James`

Dear M.,

I believe your husband loves you and I do not even need to say that you love him passionately. I also believe that you are a very jealous woman, and that in your heart you feel that another woman is going to take him away from you. He should not have left for the United States without telling you. That was wrong. On the other hand, he did so because he was just scared to tell you.

He is probably moving too fast. He does not have to be in the United States bouncing here and there watching over his shoulders because he is scared immigration may pick him up and deport him. You believe that he is having an affair. You may be right.

The only thing you can do is to continue to pray for him. Do not even try to go to visit him. That does not make sense. He is a man without a permanent address. To go to the United States of America to visit him is to embarrass yourself. Ask Christians everywhere to pray for you. God will work out everything, and if it is His will for both of you to be together, He will bring your husband back to you. Pastor

Upset over visits by girlfriend's ex

Dear Pastor,

I am writing you for your fatherly advice. I have my baby mother, but her old-time boyfriend is still visiting her.

Whenever he is there and she hears my car coming in she sends him to hide. She is only 16 years-old. I love her, but I told her I do not love her. She said she is going abroad.

I would like this guy to stop visiting her. She loves that guy more than me. And I love her more than any other girl in the world.

Whenever I see her, my heart goes tip, tip, and it beats faster than normal. I am going crazy.

Please pray for me in the name of Jesus. I will be looking for your advice in THE STAR. If she leaves me I am going to die. May God bless you.

H., Clarendon.

Dear H.,

You should be ashamed of yourself. You shouldn't have gotten a 16-year-old girl pregnant. You have no shame. This girl cannot even deal with her problem. She had a boyfriend before you and you knew that. Why did you get her pregnant?

She told you that she wants to leave Jamaica because she believes that is the only way to get out of her problem. You can help her by stop visiting her. Support your child but do not harass her.

Pastor

Upset with lover's behaviour

Dear Pastor,

I am a 56-year-old woman and I have been living with a man for six years. I am a Christian and I attend church every Sunday, except when it is raining. I am not keeping in good health.

When I first met this man he was very loving and kind, but now he has become a big liar. He used to give me money every week but now he does not want to give me any money. He drinks very hard so all his money is going on rum. I know he has another woman. They were friends before he met me but they were not living together. He does not want us to get married. He used to go to church with me but he stopped. He goes to the rum bar instead.

I do not like the way he is behaving. He wants to have an intimate relationship with one of his family members. I do not like that. I love this man very much and he loves me. But he keeps too many friends who drink rum. I do not have any children for him but I have two children who are adults. They take care of me and they love me.

I do a little dressmaking to help myself. I am asking you to pray for this man and me. He is 50 years-old. His mother is a wicked woman. She does not tell the truth. I do not like her and she does not like me. Both of us are living in the same yard but I have my own apartment. His mother and I are not speaking to each other. I want this family member and my man to stop what they are going on with.

D.E., St. Ann

Dear D.E.,

You have made serious allegations about your boyfriend and a very close member of his family. If you have openly said that to this family member she will hate you for life. This may be one reason why the man has turned against you. He used to treat you well and go to church with you but he has stopped.

If he is not guilty and the things you are saying about him, he is going to hate you and he will never marry you.

I do not think you are a wise woman. You do not like his mother and you won't speak to her, yet both of you are living in the same yard. You claim to be a Christian so you should behave as one. If you knew that this man had a woman before you, you should not have gotten mixed up with him. You are getting the same medicine that was dished out to the other woman.

Why would you want to marry a man you have accused of incest? If I am wrong, may God forgive me. But I must tell you the truth. I believe you are lying on this man. If you are not lying on him, you are crazy. Pastor

Forgive your boyfriend ­ Pastor

Dear Pastor,

I am 20 years-old and for five years now I am in a relationship with a man. He is very kind, but he hurts me in a very wicked way. During the years we have been together we have lots of fun. We go out together.

I never cheated on him and I never kept close male friends because I know he is jealous. I can tell that he loves me. He went and had sex with a girl who was living in the same district with us. He did not tell me that he slept with the girl last year November. This girl got pregnant for him. He said he made a mistake but he did not do it to hurt me. He said he was not getting enough of me. He also said that he used a condom but it burst.

I believed him but I never knew he would do a thing like that to me. He said that he does not want our relationship to break up. And he is not interested in her. Now what happened between himself and the girl is causing a lot of problems for me. My relatives are telling me to break up with him. He is still treating me well. I would like your fatherly advice.

T.B., St. Catherine

Dear T.B.,

I believe that both of you are in love with each other. I do not want anybody to believe I am condoning his wrongs, but I would urge you to forgive your boyfriend. He played a fool. He made a mistake and this mistake will cost him dearly. But there is always room for a second chance. So I suggest that you encourage him to support his child. But both of you continue the good relationship you have enjoyed for the last five years. Both of you should plan to get married, but before you get married, have some sessions with a family counsellor.. Pastor

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