Love on the cyber highway - can it work? By Merrick Andrews, Youth Writer DAMIONIS only 12 years old but when he is seeking a girlfriend, he goes directly to a chat room. When he's in these cyber chambers or communicates via e-mail and instant messaging, he becomes a daredevil creating several new names and telling his potential mates that he's 26 or older. His daring 'Net attitude almost got him into trouble in mid-summer when he met a 28-year-old Jamaican woman living in North America, through Yahoo instant messenger. He was alone at home feeling "bored and kinda mischevious". The crafty pre-teen told the woman that he was a 30-year-old lawyer who owned a BMW car, a two-storey house; had no children and was single. An unemployed resident of Bronx, New York, she replied with emphatic interest, he said, telling him that she too was single, had no children and was looking for a husband. "She was surprised and wanted to find out where I lived immediately," Damion said with a mischevious chuckle. However, his biggest mistake came when he told her exactly where he was staying in St. Catherine. Within three weeks of their online conversation, he said she flew to Jamaica and went on the hunt for his address. Luckily Damion was still at school serving detention when she found his house one Thursday afternoon. "No one was not home," he said, "but my next door neighbour, Mr. Powell told me that a 'young lady was asking for a wrong name at our home in the evening'". The neighbour had told Damion's parents about the visit of the strange woman, telling them the "neat chick was looking for a lawyer who owns a BMW." Damion and his 16-year-old brother denied knowing the visitor. Their parents dropped the case. Close brush. But what happenned after? "I didn't respond to any of her messages again," replied Damion who is still flirting on the Internet, even with women 50 and older. He describes his 'Net affairs' as just "sheer fun and relaxation". He vows, "...I will not tell anyone my real address again. If my parents find out they will bar me from using the computer." ONLINE DATING IS PREVALENT Damion is just one of thousands of Jamaican young people turning to the Internet for dating, socialising, breaking up, making up, making plans and simply saying "hi". Internet communication has become so prevalent among teenagers in Jamaica and across the world that it has become an indispensable way of socialising, although the telephone is still one of the favourite methods. Jamaican teenagers interviewed say they prefer communicating through the Internet because they don't have to worry that their parents will scrutinise phone calls. Internet communication is also quicker than sweating over pen and paper, stopping at the post office, buying stamps and waiting for days, weeks and even months to get a reply, they say. Not much of this (old time) scenario is occurring now, says Adolfus Dakers, 18, who calls himself the 'Internet Freakaziod'. Internet chat rooms, instant messenging and several mail accounts (Yahoo! and Hotmail) are dominating the teenagers' often wild, wacky and wooly world of communicating romantically. The concept of seeking a mate through telephone, asking for a phone number or home address will soon become obsolete because simply asking for an e-mail address, logging onto a favourite online messaging system are now becoming the norm, he noted. IS IT SAFE? Seeking mates and dates through the Internet has its disadvantages, says 26-year-old Richard Ferguson, Systems Administrator at the Ministry of Industry Commerce and Technology. "Some people on the Internet tend to stalk you and find out where exactly you live and give you a bit of a hard time," Mr. Ferguson said. "I can't recall this happening in Jamaica, but it does happen on a daily basis abroad, who to tell if it couldn't eventually happen here," he said, adding that giving out passwords are a definite no-no. Mr. Ferguson warns messaging fanatics about pretenders like little Damion. "I don't think it's the healthiest way to find a mate through these means (Internet communicaton). I think in terms of a means to communicate with penpals, to find out about cultures, that sort of thing -- fine," he says. However, 19-year-old Jamie Fathergill believes it is safe finding a mate through the Internet and prefers this method of communicating more than telephone conversations. "I wouldn't say it's (online communication) is better (than the telephone). I think it's just playing with luck. You try the telephone to get a mate and it will work for you. For the Internet it may not work," he explained. "Luckily for me, I always meet some nice person over the Internet," he added. In 1999, Jamie said one of the best things to happen in his life came about when he was introduced to chat rooms and instant messaging by his friends. Since then, he has made three stable friendships -- one of which he says, looks promising for a serious relationship. "I was the one that pushed for more than just a social relationship," Jamie told Youth Link. Mid last year, Jamie said he felt bored and decided to go online, in the chat room. It took him several minutes to meet "Nicky". They exchanged contact numbers and eventually called each other. Jamie said he did not meet the girl face-to-face until three months later in a public place. "The first one is always there for me -- somebody you can call anytime at nights," he said of Nicky. Although he believes there's not much danger seeking dates or mates through the 'Net, Jamie admits that he has his personal regulations. "I've heard about where people go overseas and meet, but I wouldn't travel. I prefer that the person travel and meet me," he said. USE YOUR INSTINCTS To Ingrid Riley, 32, Chief Executive Officer of MIND FULL Press, a Caribbean technology business information service based in Kingston, seeking relationships through the Internet "is just another meeting place and communication medium just like Asylum (a nightclub in New Kingston)" that requires instincts to guard against being deceived. "Just like you can meet the wrong person at Asylum, it's a matter of how you do it...for me the only advice would be to simply follow your instincts and use some common sense." "Don't just assume that because they send you a picture it's there's, you have to go through the whole process of meeting them...and so you know who you really talking to and who you getting to know," she explained. Has it replaced letter writing? "I don't think it has replaced letter writing per say," said System Administrator, Ferguson, "but as far as it is concerned to the younger members...they feel better to get responses instantly. On the flip side of the coin I think there are several advantages with instant messaging, not just in romance...but it helps in business as well." PRECAUTIONARY MEASURES
FOR ONLINE DATING It's not a good idea to give out your last name Don't give out phone numbers, for obvious reasons Don't disclose home or work address Don't meet the 'mate' until you've been talking to the person for a long period, e.g. three months or more Plan to meet the person in a busy
public place
Cyber facts An article published in USA Today on Thursday, June 21, 2001, stated the following: Nearly three out of four online teens - 13 million - use instant messages (IMs), according to the study of childrn ages 12 to 17 from the Pew Internet & American Life Project. Overall, 73 per cent of children 12 to 17 are on-line in the USA. One in five consider IMs their primary form of keeping in touch with friends; 37 per cent use IM conversation to say something to a friend they wouldn't say face-to-face or by phone. The report says teens use IMs to communicate with teachers about schoolwork, flirt, ask someone out and even break up. Many teens now give out their user name instead of their phone number to potential friends and dates.
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