By Yvonne Chin, Staff Reporter 
- Invitations courtesy The Invitation Place, Victoria House - Carlington Wilmot /Freelance Photographer
SO YOU thought, The Runaway Bride was out of her mind. But think again - you could find yourself standing at the altar not knowing what to do , having doubts or downright knowing this is not for you, while everyone awaits - "I do."
All it takes is a dash to the nearest exit and you're a real life runaway bride or groom too.
But experts in marriage counselling say things don't have to go this way. If you pay attention to the marriage preparations you should know where you stand before you get to the altar.
"Even before you propose, you should be checking your relationship to see if it is the kind that you want to keep as long as you live," said Rev. Stephen Jennings, a marriage counsellor of many years at Mona Baptist Church.
Rev. Jennings says that although people love each other, it doesn't mean they can live with each other. Even with a deep intuition or hunch that you fit, "you have to decide what you need to work through to get to that union," he said.
"Until the day he popped the question we were OK," Tamara Rogerssaid. She had been with her boyfriend seven years before their engagement last year. She says that although they have been living together, when marriage came into the picture she started second-guessing many things about their relationship."
'That's not unusual." That's one of the good things about engagements, he says. People realise that they are constructing a fence to keep others out and keep themselves in.
"It's important not to ignore it and not to pretend that it's not happening," he said, "Face it truthfully, think about what you are feeling and why you are having these feelings," he said.
"All of a sudden every woman look good to you," says Mark Elliotwho is months away from his big day.
"I understand what he's going through," said Rev. Jennings. "For many men, it's a situation where 'man have to have gal inna bungle' and marriage is like being hanged in the morning - so they feel the need to look at all the options they have."
Even if you're married you are going to see people who you are attracted to and who are attracted to you. It's how you deal with the attraction that counts, he says. Rev. Jennings explained that love and faithfulness is a commitment and a choice that you make in the hope that with this person your life will be better than with someone else.
"I don't think either of us was ready for marriage," says Rebecca Masonwho has recently been divorced. She says despite years of being with her partner before getting married, their marriage was everything except all right. It barely lasted until year two.
"I was going along blindly expecting that because I had known him for so long he wouldn't do certain things, but he did," she explains. "I should have paid greater attention to the things that happened before the marriage," she continues, "but I was so much in love, I couldn't see anything else."
"When people are in love they don't deal with the tough issues that will affect their married life," says Rev. Jennings. "Nobody wants to deal with hardball issues at that time." He recommends a third party like a counsellor to assist couples to work out issues that they might not even see. It's definitely better to do this before you get to the altar.
Names changed by request.
Next week we will look at books to read and questions to ask and answer before getting married.
