Tony Hendriks, Contributor
EVERY nation has cultural differences that set them apart from the rest of the world.
Eskimos rub noses (to keep warm or hot as the case may be), the French twist their tongues in each others' mouths as they kiss (also known as the French revolution) and Jamaicans do aerobic exercises like push-ups and hip twists while simulating coitus in the dancehall.
Well, during the World Cup Finals this year we are going to see many more cultural differences.
This was underscored yesterday as I jogged round Brockwell Park in Brixton.
Distant drummers beat a strange rhythm but something was wrong. It could have been the city droning in my ears or perhaps a construction site nearby was adding contrapuntal beats, then as I got close the problem became clear.
The Bongos were being beaten by a group of white people. Now, I'm sorry but white people, especially English ones, beat African drums like Americans speak French. Badly. It should be okay but somehow it doesn't sound right.
You've got to hope that at this World Cup English supporters stick to what they do best, drinking, brawling, beating each other up rather than beating drums and having running battles with police.
The cops should use Samurai swords instead of truncheons to cut them down like the dogs they are (the hooligans not the real football supporters).
Another cultural difference is that dogs are safe in England, which is more than can be said in Korea.
In the land of the slightly risen sun man's best friend isn't so much safe as sauteed.
Koreans don't say "Heel!" they say, "Peel!" to Fang, Prince and Rover. The most common name for a dog in Korea is 'Special'.
"Here Special. Come on boy time for your bath, into the pot. There's a good boy. That's it, this soy sauce will get you nice and clean."
Do as Romans do
Koreans are aware of the image they have as dog eaters in the outside world and have formed a National Dog Meat Restaurants Association charged with trying to change Western opinion on canines in cuisine.
They shouldn't have to do that! We're guests in their country for the World Cup. We should step to the beat of the Korean drummer (drummers again) while we are in their homeland.
When in Rome do as the Romans do (which is drive like a madman, wave your hands around a lot, pinch women on the butt and steal anything that's not nailed down).
Frankly I've eaten box food that's tasted worse than any dog meat possibly could (unless it was cooked by the person who cooked the box food). It's also rumoured football was invented in Korea. Hmm?
World Cup holders, the French, are always culturally elite but they eat frogs legs, snails and have been classified by the EC as having a manure surplus, meaning they produce more bullt than anyone else. True!
Nigerians eat dried rat and Jamaicans eat Bussu, which is a slug or snail. We also eat cow foot, cow cod, chicken foot, goat head, (when drinking mannish water and you get a bit of gristle in your mouth, don't think, swallow!) and think nothing of it but it's disgusting to many and sacrilegious to a whole subcontinent.
Many people think Japan's national dish of raw fish is disgusting but Sushi and Sashimi is boss. The salmon, roe, tuna, eel, squid and seaweed are the lightest, smoothest and most succulent dishes to grace a dinner table. I could sit and eat it all day. I have.
Eating termites
In Uruguay, sheep outnumber the people and they invented the card game Canasta. The people, not the sheep, that is.
In South Africa, they eat roasted termites. Imagine roasting termites instead of peanuts you'd be known as a Chi-Chi Man.
When you think of Brazil images of hot, sweaty, beautiful, brown skin bodies, gyrating in a haze of Samba, cigars and more bodies at the Rio Carnival and being bombarded with rhythms that make every limb, joint, appendage and sense you never even knew you had swing, mesmerised by religious fervour and Santeria (Latin Obeah).
Their football is not much different.
But who will be the men this time around whose names will be immortalised by mothers christening children after them? They always do.
Check out how many 12-year-old Diegos there are, eight-year-old Romarios and four-year-old Zinedines. This year will it be Roberto as in Carlos, David as in Beckham, El Hadji as in Deouf, Frencesco as in Totti, Jesus as in Arelleno, Thierry as in Henry or Nwankwo as in Kanu? Or will it still be Onande, Pepe and Shorty?
Tony Hendriks can be reread at www.JamaicanPaleface.com or e-mailed and roundly chastised via JamaicanPaleface@aol.com.
