Tony DeyalHERE IN Washington DC, a town which even in the midst of the coldest possible winter is a hotbed of intrigue, it has been a week of good news and bad news for women, and bad news all around for the President of the United States, George W. Bush. Donald comes up trumps, Mirta comes up roses, and Bush is down in the dumps and is simultaneously being dumped by his allies and dumped on by the comedians.
The bad news for women is that Russian law student Oxana Fedorova, winner of the 2002 Miss Universe crown, has been dumped for breach of contract. A release from officials says that Oxana failed to fulfil the duties required of the title. There are rumours that she is married and has children. The fact is that she has been holed up at home in Moscow and has not shown up at the functions The Donald expects her to attend. Pageant runner-up, Justine Pasek of Panama, will be crowned Tuesday afternoon in New York by Donald Trump. She plans to travel extensively. The bad news for her is that she only has a few months. The next Miss Universe pageant will be held in Panama City next May.
The good news for women all over the world, and particularly in the Americas, is that Dr. Mirta Roses Periago is now Director-elect of PAHO and the first woman ever to be elected to that position. The good news is that she was the choice of most of the Caribbean countries. In fact, the most passionate endorsement of her candidacy came from the Minister of Health of Dominica, a country which gave the region its first female Prime Minister, Eugenia Charles. Ms. Charles ruled with an iron fist inside a stainless steel glove. In fact, the term "OECS", which really means the "Organisation of Eastern Caribbean States" for a while became "Only Eugenia Charles Speaks." Although the Spanish acronym for PAHO is "OPS" (Organisation Pan-American de Salud) there is no danger that it will ever become "Only Periago Speaks."
The bad news this week is that it has been all bad news for the Bush administration. Its latest ventures in foreign policy are consistent with Mr. Bush's own words as quoted by the New York Daily News, April 23, 2002. He admitted, "This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating." His venture into the politics of international health is as confusing as it is frustrating. The United States supported the Mexican candidate and lost, with the little countries of the Carib-bean holding, and carrying, the balance of power. No wonder Bush mixed up his Health and Human Services Secretary, Tommy Thompson, with Senator Fred Thompson. He said, "Tommy (Thompson) is a good listener, and he's a pretty good actor, too."
This is not the only mix-up. It seems that in the last days of the Clinton administration, George W. was invited to the White House for a policy orientation session. After some drinks, he asked Bill Clinton if he could use his personal bathroom. Bush was overwhelmed by the fact that Clinton had a solid gold urinal. That afternoon, he told his wife Laura about the urinal. He declared that when he became President he would insist on having one just like the one Clinton had. The next day Laura Bush had lunch with a group of female senators, including Hilary Clinton. She confided to Hilary how impressed George W. was with the fact that Clinton had a gold urinal in his private bathroom. That evening when Hilary came home, she told Bill, "Well, I finally found out who urinated in your saxophone."
The Bush administration is going through some rough times trying to drum up reasons and allies in their determination to bomb Iraq. In the meantime, the humorists are throwing a few bombs themselves. Jay Leno commented, "There was an embarrassing moment during George W. Bush's environmental speech in the Everglades. A bunch of Al Gore ballots floated by." Johnny Robish reasoned, "The number of Americans living in poverty has dropped recently, and Republicans are attributing it to the proposed cuts in welfare. And they hope that by cutting Medicare they'll also be able to reduce the number of the elderly." They are certainly hoping to reduce the number of Iraqis.
As voters in Trinidad and Tobago, as well as Jamaica, get set to go to the polls, they should take note of this Bush story. It is a letter written to the advice column "Dear Abby". "I am a sailor in the US Coast Guard. My parents live in Philadelphia and one of my sisters is married to a transvestite. My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana and are currently dependent on my other two sisters who are prostitutes in Jersey City. I have two brothers, one is currently serving a non-parole life sentence and the other is in remand awaiting trial. I have recently become engaged and my problem is that I love my fiancee and look forward to bringing her into the family, and of course, I want to be totally honest with her. Should I tell her about my cousin who voted for Bush?"
Tony Deyal was last seen saying a visit to Washington DC is memorable in the sense of what Barbara Bush says about Clinton, "He lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but no one ever forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
