Melville Cooke I HAD promised myself to write only one column on the 2002 general election, but the utter 'wutlessness' of the Jamaica Labour Party (JLP) needs more than 800 words.
The People's National Party (PNP) deserves to form the government as much as Colin Powell deserves to be called a black man. It had to take an even less deserving major opposition party to not beat them by a huge margin, much less lose, but the JLP has proven itself to be exactly that - again.
(Of course, the JLP is banking on a miracle through the recount process. Even if they do get it, they are still a worthless bunch. With the PNP's terrible track record, even P.J. should have been in trouble to retain his seat).
At a time when the country was looking to the major opposition party for leadership, all they could provide was breedership. This obsession with the evidence of Edward Seaga's ability to procreate at an age when most men are expected to gracefully bow out of public life hurt the JLP terribly and they do not even seem to realise it even now.
What the heck does fathering a child at an age when one could end up wearing diapers like the baby have to do with being the leader of a country? What does the evidence of being able to achieve a serviceable erection past 70 have to do with digging Jamaica out of the morass of wastage and corruption that we are in? Not a bloody thing.
Having experienced the overwhelming emotion twice, I am extremely happy for every person who has a part to play in willingly bringing a child into the world. However, Edward and Carla Seaga's bundle of joy should never have been an issue in the campaign. A crib is simply not a good election platform.
I saw the JLP heading merrily down the sexual path to another five years of griping in that North-East St. Ann by-election last year. At that time, the song Chi Chi Man was used on the campaign trail and in the victory motorcade from the courthouse to the Lime Hall turnoff. I watched the JLP leadership give the 'V' signs from open topped vehicles and wondered if they really thought that was it. Apparently they did.
The 'breeder' image and 'chi chi man' slur only encourage the hardcore support base to scream a little louder, gyrate a little longer and to consume an extra bottle of beer. It does nothing to encourage intelligent people who are making a decision as to where to put their X to vote for the JLP. And it is these thinking persons one wishes to vote for your party.
The hardcore support, like the poor, will unfortunately be with us always.
North-East St. Ann, after the JLP victory, should have been a model of what the party intended to do with the country.
The JLP should have been able to show adverts of what they have done in the constituency and translate that model into a vision of what they intend to do with the country. They could not and did not.
The JLP was so sure that the PNP's horrible track record would put them out of the runnings. How can you run a campaign on the premise that you cannot do worse than the incumbent, your opponent?
It was quite amusing to see the transformation in David Panton during the counting coverage on October 16. He started out smug, smiling and cocksure, saying that it was appropriate he joined the TV team at the moment the JLP edged in front. He counted off the new JLP MPs as the seats were declared, literally floating in his seat. Then, as the trend began to be more clearly defined he got quieter and quieter, until he quite simply disappeared.
That was representative of the JLP, this past general election.
And never underestimate P.J. Patterson. As he has done on several occasions, he had the last and loudest word on the breedership issue. I will never forget that part of his victory speech at the PNP's headquarters, when he said that his granddaughter came to him and said that P.J. means to "Protect Jamaica".
I take it with a grain of salt the size of a golf ball, but it is a darned good line. In one fell swoop he let everybody know that he is a father and also smart enough to have quit while he was still ahead.
Do you all really think he got Emancipation Park built under his stewardship just to have another person sworn in as Prime Minister there?
Sniper solution
I have the perfect solution for the sniper attacks currently causing concern in the USA. The police chief should get a map, make an X for each place an attack has occurred, connect them and pass it over to George W. Bush. He will take care of the matter, without a United Nations resolution, to boot.
Just bomb the backside out of the area. That should settle the matter nicely, just like how killing more people in Afghanistan than the amount which died in the September 11 attacks has settled Osama bin-Mohammed bin-Laden's hash nicely.
My advice to US citizens is get used to it. Whether it is disenchanted groups or individuals within its borders, or persons who it has aggravated outside, Uncle Sam's country is going to be a very uncomfortable place to live in the upcoming decades.
Let's call it collateral damage.
Melville Cooke is a freelance writer.
