- Carlington Wilmot
Sex toys from Intimate Collections will stoke the coals of passion this Christmas.
Claude Mills, Staff Reporter
IF YOU'RE looking to spice up your sex life this Christmas, you should be reading this.
The Premier Plaza-based Intimate Collections in HWT has brought in some new sex toys for Christmas such as the vibrating bath sponge, feathers, and a devilishly sexy game called 'Exploring Ultimate Fantasies'.
If you have any Xmas orgies to attend within the next couple of days, you can bring along this game and you'll be an instant hit at the party. The game features passion cards, fantasy cards, a small massager, Spanish Fly liquid, body heat massage lotion, and arm and leg restraints for all you S&M freaks out there. The kit also has candles, blindfolds and edible body paints. You play the game with five dice, and each player must wear six to eight articles of clothing.
If you're not into the crazy stuff, you can play this game with your significant other in the privacy and comfort of your home.
Another item to look out for is the vibrating bath sponge. For the uninitiated, the vibrating bath sponge is a battery-operated sponge which vibrates, and will add some vim to a shower together.
"You can also buy bath crystals and beads which dissolve in water, and you can get an irresistible-smelling soap that makes your skin feel so soft and nice," Ms. Denise Escoffery, manager of Intimate Collections, said.
There is also a Bed of Roses which consists of silk rose petals to sprinkle on the bed, and it has a special invitation card where you can invite to your home at X time for a hot sex romp.
"There is also something called 'Smooth As Velvet' with a spray talc which you spray on the bed, and it has pheromones in it, and the bed feels smooth and velvety. And the pheromones attract the opposite sex," Ms. Escoffery said.
The store, however, doesn't have any 'kitchsy' items like Santas with large dildos. A big oversight if there ever was one.
"We didn't think of that this Christmas," she said.
But there are 'nipple drops' which is a provocative gel which you can rub onto the nipple or any part of the body, and they come in a variety of exotic flavours such as Strawberry Kiwi, and Mango Orange.
I'm a bit disappointed for the oral guys, for Intimate Collections doesn't have any beef or KFC-flavoured nipple drops.
For the girls, you can buy sheer black boxers for your man. The boxers are see-through, and you can get straight to the point this Sexmas.
Brothel sex for bonuses
Sex romps are being given out as Christmas bonuses by some of Australia's biggest retailers. Sales staff are increasingly being offered sex parties at brothels instead of cash.
Somebody get me a work permit for Down Under quickly please!
According to a story on the Internet, one brothel madam told BBC News Online she was struggling to keep up with demand from corporate customers.
"December is our busiest month," said Mary-Anne Kenworth, who runs a business in Perth, western Australia. "We increase our turnover by at least 25 per cent during the festive season."
There are 900 legal brothels in Australia. Industry watchers estimate there are 12 million visits per year or two for every Aussie male.
It is lucrative too. Brothels, which are legal in most Australian states and territories, generate more than US$500m (Aus$987m) every year. One salesman, who spoke under the condition of anonymity, told the BBC these sleazy incentives were made available to staff and customers "on a regular basis, especially at Christmas".
But what takes the cake is that most employers who provide free visits to brothels will be entitled to a tax deduction for these gifts. Tax deductions for a little brothel seduction. Australia sounds like my type of country. But I can't help but feel a little gypped over my bonus this Christmas.
Oh, well. There is always next year.
You can e-mail me at cmillsy@yahoo.com.
