By Yvonne Chin, Staff Reporter
IT'S EASY to point out the flaws in others, but no matter how diplomatically others point out our imperfections it's not easy to take.
Many of us deny that we're that way or excuse ourselves with 'nobody's perfect'.
How about 'looking into ourselves', and changing our ways?
That's a thought, but it's easier said than done. Thirty-three-year-old business executive, Arlene Morgan, says she has taken an introspective look at herself and identifies procrastination as one of her main flaws. It has affected her relationships and hampered her personal development.
"I think it comes from a lack of confidence and bad time management," she said.
"But the thing is - it's hard to change. It's like you've gotten into this mold and you're set in your ways."
Steven Harris, a 35-year-old technician, says he struggles with procrastination too.
"I'm fine when it comes to work but I procrastinate when I have personal things to deal with. I've tried to change, but sometimes what it comes down to, is that I just don't have the time to do everything," he says.
Other people admit to being aware of hot-temperedness, bossiness, lateness, poor time management and a host of other behaviours and personality traits that negatively affect their lives and relationships, still it's a struggle for those who want to change.
Professor Frederick Hickling of the Department of Psychiatry at The University of the West Indies, says that's not surprising.
"The whole thing of helping people to adjust their personality is a very complex process. It's not something that happens by telling someone, 'you need to pull up your socks'. It requires an intense psychotherapeutic programme where a professional helps the person to understand why they are behaving in a particular way and sets up tasks for them. It takes time. It's very complex," he said.
Professor Hickling says part of the difficulty is that many people do not even recognise that they are exhibiting negative behaviours and when those around them try to point it out, they deny it and end up turning on that person.
He suggests that whereas professional help is the way to go to accomplish behavioural changes, there are some things that we can do for ourselves. We can learn to develop techniques to understand how people see us and become 'sensitive observers' of other people's responses to us.
"You have to learn to be more reflective, listen more than you talk and see how people respond to what you are saying and doing. If you don't understand, sometimes it comes to simply asking 'How did I come across'?"
Star Lee, on the web site www.selfgrowth.com, says "If you think about it, we learn all kinds of subjects in school -- except about our self. How many of us actually have taken the time out to get to know our 'self' (mind, body, and spirit?"
Once you've gotten into the habit of taking a reasonable and critical look at yourself and you've identified your flaws or weaknesses, the Self-Help Magazine web site has a few suggestions as to how you can proceed if you want to change.
Understand the problem or issue.
This is more than simply knowing you have a decision you want to implement. It means having a sense of the causes of the problem and the nature of the issue.
Setting a goal.
What do you actually want to accomplish? What results are you aiming for?
Taking action.
What will you do to address the situation? What steps will you take?
The web site also advises that while you are putting your steps into action you should consider the kind of support you can draw on and the obstacles that you'll have to overcome to reach your goal.
For more articles on self help and self growth go to www.shpm.com/articles and if there are personal development issues you would like us to write about or that you would like to share, e-mail: lifestyle@gleanerjm.com.
