Melville CookeCupid, draw back your bow
And let your arrow go
Straight to, my lover's heart
For me-
- Sam Cooke
TOMORROW IS the 2003 version of Valentine's Day and, when the smoke clears, there will be red all around. A lot of ladies will be seeing red roses and candy boxes, other ladies will be seeing red because they got nothing and lots of men will be seeing red in their personal finances.
If a gentleman happens to get the names on the flowers mixed up, or his florist has a nasty sense of humour (like mine) there could also be another kind of red but let us not think such juicy thoughts, shall we?
Valentine's Day is, of course, another commercial concoction like Christmas to get people to spend what they do not have. However, unlike Christmas where the supposed love is directed at a fantasy, this one has long-lasting after-effects here on Earth.
So many people fall prey to the notion that on February 14 love is somehow floating in the atmosphere and all they have to do is reach out and sniff it as it passes by. They not only want, they need to "fall in love" round about that time, or see an expression of affection from that special someone, whether it is somebody else's or theirs.
It is rather strange. John treats Maggie like she eats out of a dish on the floor all year round, but when Valentine's Day comes around and he coughs up the expected gift she shows it to the ladies at the office and simpers: "Ooooh John."!
But I stray. From the music to the (often corny) poetry on the radio, to the shows with Brian McKnight and the works, all is set to get the heart strings a-quivering, the purse strings a-loosening and the G-strings a-removing. As the man said, "love is in the hair".
(Can I stray again? The best love missive I ever heard on radio was some 18 or so years ago, when a guy sent in that "my love for you is stronger than Samson and last longer than green banana stain". I kid you not).
But you cannot get into the mood for love. You can get into the mood for sex and Lord knows that from Spanish Fly to weekends on the North Coast and diamonds on layaway there are sufficient ways that supposedly soften a woman and harden a man. But you cannot get in the mood for love.
I suppose that in the world of instant gratification we live in we easily confuse an exchange of words over dinner and a spin around the bedroom with love and there are people who have had to ask their partner their last name to put on the child's birth certificate. However, love still travels at snail mail and not e-mail pace. Correct that. Love still travels like a snail.
Slowly. Cautiously. Pulls into its shell at the slightest sign of trouble. Vulnerable when exposed but with a hard shell built to withstand hard knocks. Slimy. Especially slimy. With tears of laughter, tears of joy, children's runny noses, chicken back and dumpling for dinner when "nutten naa gwaan". And that slime too (you know what I am talking about. C'mon, I can't say it, it is a family newspaper).
Love is the sum total of two persons' experiences with each other from the instant they met each other to the present and on to the foreseeable future, because there is no love without expectations of said future. Love comes at the end of a long list, which includes respect, appreciation, admiration and gratitude.
And it is specific to two individuals, not like the pre-fabricated, Portmore house approach of the Valentine's Day frenzy where one size and style fits all.
So what is that wave of something you feel when Otis Redding is on the stereo, the wine is bubbling up with the laughter and everything seems rosy and bright?
That is the divorce proceedings from the husband or wife who is not with you, if you are married, or the beginning of another heartbreak if you are not.
Until next Valentine's Day, that is. And I cannot blame the women for appreciating the beast in men around this time of pre-fab romance. After all, every woman needs some animals in her life - alligators for her handbags, foxes for her furs, a stallion in the bedroom, a jaguar in the garage and a jackass to pay for it all.
For those who are involved in a relationship which is based on friendship, Valentine's Day is as good a time as any to celebrate another milestone in the lifelong journey. For those who are supposedly "falling in love" around this time, don't forget your condoms.
As for me and my house, I will stick with the snail approach. As Edward Baugh said (and if I misquote you, o great one, sparest me the razor's edge of thy wit) being in a true a relationship is "to hear me belch and fart and love me still".
Melville Cooke is a freelance writer.
