Dr. Jennifer Keane-Dawes, ContributorMe dear mam:
ME SIDDUNG a foreign de other night a watch Michael Jackson pon TV. An missis, as me a listen to how him a talk bout de pupa. An how de pupa use to cuss him an talk bout how him nose big. An, a nuh him, him gety fram. Missis, me feel sarry fe him when me see, wid all a him millions, how him a fight fe kip weh de yeye water. An plus, when me tun roun look pon him present condition. Sake a de heap a knife cut weh him mek dactah compulsory haffi puddung pon him face. Me seh to meself seh a nuh one an few parents wicked. For we hab some said place a yard deh... For hear how some a dem deh parents go to work now:
De pickney come een fram school late. Cause as we all know, ebrybaddy (except de certain person dem weh feel like fe dem pickney a angel). Ebrybaddy know seh pickney is a sinting weh gi worries. Suh hear how dis a parents hangle de pickney when him come through de gate:
De madda: (Either "Me convince more an more seh yu is nutten but a mistake.")
Or, "Jankruh! A weh de bad wud bad wud yu deh fram school let ova? Come ya suh mek a lick out yu bad wud bad wud! Das why a hate yu suh! Yu come een dis like a uncle weh me did hab a country weh always a walk an tief. A muss tief yu deh street a tief till dem ya hours ya. Look pon yu! Yu damn head fava custad apple. Me nuh know a weh yu get dat deh breed a head fram. Not a blinkin ting inna it except de two helleba yeye ball a look fe weh dem nuh puddung. Cho!"
Den hear de joke now. Dat po pickney, when him g'a school a mawning. A de said ting.
Teacha: "Jabes Scatt."
Jabes: (Bayly ansah. For lass night whole night a de custad apple head deh pon him mine. Till him all dream see dis man a plant custad apple tree inna one foot a boot.) Suh hear him: "Present 'm".
Teacha: "But a wah do da alligetta mout bwoy ya doh eeh? Bwoy yu cyaan huppen yu mout louda dan dat? An come ya mek me tell yu a little secret. Nuh come back ya wid nuh bridle a yu two mout kanah. Y'a big bwoy. When yu g'a yu bed a night time yu fe lawn fe shet yu mout!"
Suh me dear mam, how da pickney fe feel? Wid a custad apple head an alligetta mout? An if him neva sleep lass night, wah go happen tinite? Suh missis, me seh all dis fe seh das me understand how Michael Jackson feel. For when some parents an big people ready fe wicked, dem wicked. Cause wid all a de pare dactah pare dung him nose wid knife. Like dem ole man an dem corn toe. Missis him heart still nuh fix. Cause him still memba de pupa wud. How de nose big an ugly. Dis like how, dis yardie weh me know weh come out to something. Naw less dan talk bout dis teacha ooman. Who, when him was a pickney an him parents ask har if she believe him woulda pass de Common Entrance. Missis, yardie seh de ooman. Wid one heap a hairy whiskas pon him face like kyah mattress. Holler out like any man: "Who? Dat deh bwoy deh?" But me dear mam, yardie seh him did pass de Common Entrance. An lib fe see Miss Whiskas come a church an a tell ebrybaddy how him, yardie, is har son. Har bright bwoy. But koo ya.
Tek care!
Dr. Jennifer Keane-Dawes is Director of Graduate Studies at Norfolk State University.
