By Yvonne Chin, Staff Reporter THE TEARS That 's one of the things 16-year-old Andrea Hibbert will never forget about her one year and four months at the Armadale Juvenile Correctional Centre for female juveniles.
"Almost every day me cry. Them (staff and other wards) say them never see anybody can cry so," she told The Sunday Gleaner in soft, reflective tones.
Andrea had a lot to cry about. She had been raped by a group of boys shortly before becoming a ward of the state and the wounds were fresh. While she was at Armadale she also had to suffer through the court hearings for the rape case and it was taking a toll on her, emotionally.
"When me did go court one of the guys who raped me and him lawyer was telling lie on me and me did really stressed out about it. Me did feel like me want kill them," she said.
That night, back at Armadale, Andrea remembers crying non-stop. She had learnt while at the juvenile correctional centre that one way to release anger is to cry and so she did.
"Everybody see how me sad the night and some of the girls them and the staff cry with me and tell me that one day God a go help me. One of them take out her radio and play Christian music and tell me say is not the end of the world."
But there were many other sad days and nights for Andrea at Armadale. Nights when she looked back at her life and remembered the deviant behaviour that had landed her in the correctional centre, which caters primarily to juveniles who have committed crimes.
"I was remanded in custody for 'uncontrollable behaviour,' she told The Sunday Gleaner. "I use to sleep out and have boyfriends (at 14 years old), I never used to listen to my mother when she talk to me and used to run weh an' things like that." Andrea's eldest sister says it was taking a toll on the whole family but especially her mother who felt she had to seek the help of the state, after she hit Andrea who slapped her back.
"Me did stressed out, me did want more attention from me mother. Me did want more love. Me know sey me mother did love me, but me feel say maybe if me have one boyfriend him would give me the love weh me a look for."
So she found a boyfriend a grown man who told her that he loved her but left her when she found herself pregnant and out of school. But she lost the baby early in the pregnancy.
"Me did have all of them things deh pon me head. And then after that me did get rape an so all of them something there bottle up inside of me. Sometimes me feel like me did a go crazy so me just feel that if me run weh and nobody can't find me me ago better off."
But probation officers did find her and when the court turned her over to Armadale for two years, the hope that with the rehabilitation programme at Armadale, Andrea would find herself.
"Well up there sometimes you're happy but you are mostly sad because when you settle in and you start to miss your family and you start to look back at your life you start to say if me did know. Some people change for the better some people change for the worse, some don't feel they must change at all. But if you make up your mind to change you have staff there who willing to help.
Andrea decided that she wanted her time at Armadale to be life- changing and she was given special support to achieve that goal.
"There was an Assistant Superintendent there. I use to tell her certain things that I go through and she give me a shoulder to cry on and she prayed for me sometimes and tell me to think positive and tell me nice things about myself until she recommend me to a psychiatrist. I see her every other week at first then every two weeks and when she doesn't come she calls but she always makes it her point of duty to see me. She come in like she was a good friend."
Andrea told The Sunday Gleaner that the rehabilitation programme at Armadale gave her an opportunity to continue her high school education as she attended classes there and was exposed to a range of social and character-building activities. Her self-esteem went up in leaps and bounds.
"You have to accept that you are there and identify the problems that got you there. Don't blame people like 'a me mother why me reach there.' Take some responsibility and recognise your role. Try to behave yourself. At first I found everybody to blame but when my counsellors talked to me things started to change for the better.
"Me write a letter when me was at Armadale and me apologise to the people me hurt. Some people me still have up inna me heart but me pray to God and ask him to help me to forgive them. Cause you have people who really hurt me before I go to Armadale."
Andrea also got an opportunity to improve herself educationally as the girls at the institution go to school on the compound and have the opportunity to do SSC, CXC exams and skills training.
"The superintendent try her best to make we feel good. Sometimes when we don't want to go class they keep a meeting with us and talk to us and encourage us to make use of the opportunities. For the holidays counsellors come and we have camp. They put us in groups and we sit down and talk about some of the problems that we have and ways of releasing anger because that is one of the biggest problems that we have there," she said.
Although Andrea had not served her full sentence of two years, when her case was reviewed her probation officer and the courts and correctional institution decided to allow Andrea an early opportunity to return to her home and freedom to participate in the society. If she violates the condition of her licence by defiant or criminal behaviour, Andrea will be taken back into the juvenile correctional centre.
Right now, she is just grateful for getting a second chance. She has been placed in a new school and has been working hard to make the required grades.
It's not easy though, she still has to work to rebuild trust with her family and memories of the rape still haunt her.
"The boys who raped me live in the community," she said, "Sometimes when them see me them a go on like me an them a friend. When me see them the anger just come back inna me. Me feel like me woulda kill them yuh see, but when me think bout weh me come through and how far God carry me from and me just cool."
Andrea says she wants to pursue a career in nursing and law so that she can defend women.
Name changed to protect identity.
