By Michelle Barrett, Freelance Writer
SANDY JOHNSON is 29 years old and holds a middle management position at her company. She has been married to an attorney-at-law for the past seven years.
The couple has a five-year-old daughter, and a one-year-old son and live in a Kingston 19 residential community. Mrs. Johnson's complaint though, is that although they have a household helper, when the helper leaves for home, she is left with the responsibility of taking care of the children until bedtime - alone.
Despite life being relatively good for Mrs. Johnson, she has repeatedly complained about not receiving any help from her husband with caring for the children.
"He pays the school fees and the helper. Sometimes he will give our daughter lunch money and that's where his responsibility ends. He does not take any initiative in other things such as housework, financial management or taking care of our daughter. Things like these are left up to me alone and I can't take it much longer," said a seemingly upset Mrs. Johnson.
"When we were just married, I expected him to play a greater role in this marriage, but he has fallen short of my expectations," she continued.
Mrs. Johnson also recalled that her father always shared equal responsibilities with her mother, his wife of 40 years. Together they raised their three children.
"My father was always there for us. I remember when my mother came home late from work, daddy would do the cooking, he would help us with our homework and even bathe us before mom came home. I mean, sometimes he was like two parents in one and he still paid his portion of the bills. I was really hoping that my husband would be like my father, but I guess I'm asking for too much," she explained.
Is Mrs. Johnson expecting too much or are her expectations of her husband too high? According to relationship therapist, Dr. Brenda Soshanna, the author of Zen and the Art of Falling in Love, for some men, once a courtship ends and a marriage begins, they no longer feel the need to win over their mate, and they allow their true selves to emerge. She added that when women in relationships are always giving and never asking anything for themselves, or simply accepting their mates' nasty behaviour, they will slowly lose their self-esteem a condition that will only escalate.
Flair asked a few women and men in their 20's if they felt that women expected too little or too much from men. Here are the responses:
"In the past, women expected men to be responsible and more mature in relationships. They expected us to treat women with respect like the generation before us did. However, over time, men started to slack off and just stopped fulfilling women's expectations. As a result, women of our age group just don't expect as much from us as our grandmothers did from their male companions. When we are bashed for not owning up to our responsibilities and other things, I don't take it to heart, because some of us deserve it. Personally, I think that women should not expect much from men, because there's just not much to expect, especially this generation," says 21-year-old Dave Knight.
"I wish I could expect more from men but I can't. For example, it is not normal for a man to be faithful, or treat his woman on her birthday or any other special day and I don't mean just buying gifts. In the 21st century, a woman just can't expect anything much from men and this has driven us to become more independent," says N.D., a 24-year-old journalist.
"There are times when women expect too much from men. For instance, a man would do a whole lot for his woman and even so, she would still ask for more. The way I see it, for a relationship to go right, it has to be balanced, and both persons have to give their equal share in the relationship. Each person has to have trust and respect for each other. Men should perform their roles and help out the woman when necessary. Sometimes when the man has a problem, the lady should help out too. As old people would say "iron sharpen iron"," Garfield Gordon, a 27-year-old bearer tells Flair.
"Well, my philospohy when it comes on to men has always been, 'if you don't expect anything from them, then you can't get hurt'. If they happen to do something good for you then it is unexpected," reasons 26-year-old Karen Gibson, an administrative assistant.
Names changed on request.
