By Heather Little-White, Ph.D., Contributor
IT IS said that taxes and death are two things that are certain. When you examine the indirect effect of taxes on sex the result in some relationships is that sexual intercourse is infrequent or non-existent. Taxes often create challenges for managing personal and household income. At first glance, the word taxes include the word 'axe' which is the exact effect on sex.
A young man, in conversation with his colleague, lamented the fact that the GCT now imposed on winnings from games of chance have placed a strain on his sexual relationships because it lessens the money he is expected to give to his women. His dilemma is that when the amount does not live up to their expectations, the women "lock shop pon him" (withhold sexual favours).
Divorce
Since taxes ought to be paid, couples should make financial plans to buffer changes in budget to accommodate the payment of taxes as they arise. Whether it is taxes, insufficient income or indiscriminate spending, money matters are one of the main reasons why individuals face failed relationships and marriages end up in divorce.
In some circles, it is argued that the reason for failed relationships, due to money, is that men and women handle money matters quite differently. Leigh Roberts, in an interview with John Gray, author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, posits that women will seek out men who are good with money in addition to the love he professes for her.
Gender differences
Men, on the other hand, figure that they can get women to love them by earning money to spend on their women. This is a result of their orientation that men should be providers and that they will have psychological advantage over their women. It has been established that some men feel less confident with women who are financially independent. At the root of this is the men's desire to make their women happy.
Whether the gender difference argument is valid or not, one thing for certain is that the attitudes that couples bring to the relationship definitely have an effect on the outcome of a relationship. Often times, one couple carries the money issue baggage from a past relationship or childhood experiences into a current relationship. These negative attitudes toward money result in partners being critical or judgmental of each other. There may be aggression and blame-placing on the other or one partner may behave as the "poor me" victim while being judgmental of his or her partner.
Courtship
Money is sensitive and potentially problematic at the start of any relationship. It is important that money matters be discussed at the start of a relationship and should be continued during courtship. It is said that a potential partner who is a spender will continue to be a spender if there is no plan to work it out together.
During courtship, communication is important as it is in a full-fledged relationship. Even though the sensitive nature of financial issues makes for subdued discussion, there is need for couples to talk about each other's likes and dislikes as it relates to money. Partners need to be honest and open as they talk about how they deal with money issues. Potential mates should discuss the need for family cash management and establishment of a spending plan. A heart-to-heart talk about money matters should be done before marriage to prevent conflicts over finances and the marriage going on the rocks.
Good sex
Coping with money matters calls for managing stress. When stress is not managed in the face of financial challenges, it prevents peak performance at work and in sexual expressions. A healthy individual will be more productive and sexier too. While diet plays an important role in maintaining a healthy lifestyle, there is a tendency for couples to demonstrate their wealth by going to expensive restaurants. This explains why some partners, though wealthy, may be fat and this at times hinders good sex.
Gender differences aside, the relationship should start out with the financial motto of together we build with unity of purpose. The finances in your relationship may be running on a free-wheeling system without tracking spending. Tracking spending provides essential feedback which curtails your tendency to spend beyond your means. One of the responsibilities of managing finances is to keep good records, filed and stored in a damage-proof location.
Unlimited abundance
When couples constantly say that money is scarce, it becomes a part of their experience and money will become scarce. Adopting a positive attitude toward money by thinking abundance and giving thanks for abundance instead of adopting the race belief that times are hard. In quiet moments, couples should think about the rich and unlimited abundance in the universe and write down what kind of prosperity the couple wishes to accomplish for a day, week, month or year.
A Unity publication, The Truth About Your Finances, suggest the following principles for couples to build a prosperity consciousness to enrich their sexual relationships:
Speak in terms of good rather than in terms of apparent problems.
Speak in terms of their blessings rather than in terms of their challenges.
Emphasise the good in their relationship, knowing that as they do, it will increase.
Allow their actions, look and speech to express a confident assurance of success.
Think of their relationship as looking, acting and being as successful and prosperous as they truly desire to be and expressing abundance in all areas of their lives including your sexual expressions.
