By Dennie Quill, ContributorDIARIES ARE full and the invitations are coming fast and furious. It's that time of the year and after observing the way some guests behave I thought I would dedicate this column to the protocol of party attendance. Many of you may facilely dismiss this topic by asking what is there to know about feting. My response would be: A lot.
Believe it or not, invitations serve a purpose: They advise you of the date and time of the function; they tell you whether you are expected to come alone or bring a guest; they tell you how you should dress, and often you are asked to RSVP.
There was a time when people observed the specific protocols that dictated how invitations are treated. Today, even people from the corporate world who many regard as pace-setting individuals, flagrantly disregard these courtesies.
POOR MANNERS
Recently, I attended an awesome media appreciation brunch the setting was grand, the hosts as gracious as they come, and an excellent feast of every imaginable delight was laid out for guests. The invitations said 11:30 to 4:30 p.m. The hosts were much too nice to show any sign of disgust but many of those in attendance did comment on the fact that scores of guests were strolling in at three o'clock. Not only is it inconsiderate to expect the workers who have been there way before 11 a.m. to hang around and serve you, it is simply poor manners.
Only recently I observed an invited guest who turned up for a catered sit-down dinner with two friends in tow. It didn't matter that there was only one available place, she unabashedly suggested that two additional chairs be brought to the table and more place settings etc.; major stress for the organisers to which the new arrivals were totally oblivious. This was a perfect example of a party gone sour.
Imagine a successful banker turning up at a formal dinner in shirt sleeves. He was not merely sitting at the back of the room where he could melt away in embarrassment; he was a member of the head table. I saw several men re-reading their invitations, apparently to make sure that the word 'formal' was there. Need I say more?
For those of us who grew up with the 'First Aid in English', we understood by rote what RSVP meant. In the real world, few people pay any attention to this requirement. The value of adhering to this request is that the host will have reliable numbers to work with. If 500 persons are invited and no one bothers to confirm his or her attendance, the host is left to either guess that everyone is coming or try to use his or her discretion. Is it such a big deal to call and confirm or decline the invitation?
Your entrance to a party is as important as your exit. Many years ago, I attended a party in Stony Hill and a young woman swept passed the host at the top of the stairs without even glancing at him. A puzzled look came across his face as he watched her stride onto the dance floor. I found out later that she was an uninvited guest.
TAKE THE HINT
If the invitation says 7:00 p.m. to 9:00 p.m. you are likely to see the host standing near the door about 9 o'clock. He or she is not on guard duty, it's a signal. Please don't allow the party to die around you. You must leave so that the domestic and catering staff can clear up and get home. And don't ask the waiter to put anything in foil that is oh so tacky.
And after the party, if you have had a good time, it's a nice gesture to send a card or a plant to your host some little token of appreciation.
In the same way that guests are expected to exhibit proper breeding, much is also expected of hosts. Imagine being invited to someone's home for dinner and when one arrives the host is nowhere in sight. It was bad enough that he was not there to greet his guests. What is appalling is the fact that at 8:30 p.m. when he told his guests to arrive, he was in his bed taking a nap. Yes, this really did happen. The mood changed from festive to fed-up in a short time and many persons vowed never to accept another invitation to his house.
Great credit goes to those who exhibit social grace. Unfortunately, there are too few in our society. For those inclined to scoff at this column, I say scoff away and brace yourself for the onslaught of crude and crass behaviour that will become your legacy.
Dennie Quill is a veteran journalist who may be reached at denniequill@hotmail.com.
