Sidney McGill - HEALTHY SEX 101And our bodies both demanded more,
Each giving to the other,
High on the fluids of foreign substance.
I grasped, then released you,
Grasped then released you,
You moved with one final and
breaking blow,
Forcing our way to the peaks of bliss,
Leaving our screams to echo on like
battle cries.
- By Temptress
SEXUAL INTERCOURSE between two people in a committed relationship, genuinely expressing their love for each other and the fulfilling of a passionate lustful desire between sexual partners are similar. The difference is internal. Is it love or lust?
Lust is simply an 'eagerness to possess' and a 'strong sexual desire'. There are mainly two types: circumstantial lust and genuine lust. Circumstantial lust is self-gratification that is based on a temporary detachment from the intellectual and emotional expressions of everyday life; the type that carries you through a one-night stand. The power of lust wanes when the affair becomes routine or life returns to normal. Genuine lust, on the other hand, is sexual chemistry that is a result of a natural physical attraction and physical compatibility. It is the one type of lust that can coexist with a sexual love relationship.
There is no perfect definition of love but one author came close enough, "love is the affinity experienced between two people who are naturally able and willing to tune into one another's emotional, intellectual and physical states and respond to them in a nurturing and a stimulating way".
THERE ARE THREE STAGES:
(a) The infatuation stage the romantic stage of love. It is when you cannot wait to be with the other person. This stage is short-lived.
(b) The bonding stage the stage where you get to know the person and you start to plan aspects of your life around him or her.
(c) The familiar phase where your lives merge as you establish a pattern that involves the other person. You have a rough idea how the other person feels or thinks about almost anything.
All love comes from an open heart therefore the person you presently love may not be your life partner. So how do you know if you are in a lifelong relationship? Here is what the experts say:
You look forward to spending time with your partner.
You enjoy spending time together even if it is quiet.
You feel good.
A good relationship makes you feel good about yourself.
You respect your partner.
It is natural for you to boast about your partner.
You are interested in what your partner thinks. It is OK if your partner disagrees with you because you value his or her opinions.
You accept your partner's quirks. Everyone has faults including you. If your partner's faults really bother you then you should look more closely at the relationship.
You are able to work through your problems. Disagreements are normal and should be seen as an opportunity to learn more about your partner, however, if every fight seems to be leading to a break-up then you should probably reconsider the relationship.
You feel safe. You are not afraid of losing your partner. You can't explain why you are together. Ask yourself if you truly want to be together. If the answer is 'yes' then the relationship has a chance to last a lifetime. If your answer is 'no' you are bound to have problems.
You don't compare your partner with others. There will always be someone more beautiful or intelligent than your partner.
If the list above does not seem to help, make a list of what you require from someone to be happy. Hopefully, your partner meets your requirements. Loving beyond lust is the willingness to change yourself, not your partner. It is a sacrificial love which transcends the limits of love. On Valentine's Day get up front and personal. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dr. Sidney McGill is a Marriage and Family Therapist.
