Sidney McGill - HEALTHY SEX 101A man who is preoccupied with trying to delay his ejaculation is unable to enjoy his sex life to the fullest because every sexual desire and arousal is mixed with dread
- S. McGill
RAPID EJACULATION the inability to delay ejaculation long enough to have a satisfactory sexual experience, is a young man's disease. The problem occurs when he reaches an orgasm before or shortly after penetration. It often occurs during a boy's first experiences with sex, and in this case is most commonly attributed to anxiety.
Over time, most men gradually learn to control their orgasm. Some men, however, develop a longer-term anxiety toward sex, which maintains the condition. Rapid ejaculation is the most common form of sexual dysfunction in men, affecting nearly 30 per cent at some time in their lives.
Men who feel they must prove their manhood to their friends or short-term sexual partners rely on black market products such as Chinese brush, Tiger bomb and desensitising creams. The reality is that these products rarely, if ever, work. They numb the head of the penis as well as the vagina, detracting pleasure from both partners. As they numb the head of the penis, you never actually 'get used' to the sensation of making love for long periods of time and when you stop using them, the problem returns.
CAUSES OF RAPID EJACULATION
Rapid ejaculation is essentially caused by an oversensitive penis head. It is also due to nervousness or anxiety over how well a man will perform during sex, and can be an indicator of a low self-esteem or an anxiety-prone personality. Rapid ejaculation can also occur in association with erectile disorder and can be the first sign of an erection problem. Treating the latter will often provide a solution to the former.
TYPES OF RAPID EJACULATION
There are two types of rapid ejaculation: lifelong rapid ejaculation and situational rapid ejaculation. A man who ejaculates early may find that this has been the case for him in every sexual experience with every partner he has ever had. His problem is called a lifelong rapid ejaculation. In situational rapid ejaculation, the man may find that sometimes he lasts longer than others. What determines his staying power is the particular partner he's with, the situation in which the sex is occurring, or the type of stimulation he's receiving.
CONTROLLING YOUR EJACULATION
You can learn to control your ejaculation by practising simple exercises that involve no medication. For starters begin writing down in your diary any negative or unhelpful sexual thoughts or images. At the end of the week take a careful look at the list. These are thoughts that you must avoid or counter with positive ones such as imagining yourself having a long-lasting intercourse, telling yourself that you will overcome the problem and become a great lover. Imagining yourself reaching an orgasm too soon but feeling calm about it.
While working on becoming less anxious about the problem begin exercising your pelvic floor muscles. In the same way that we all learn bladder control (toilet training) when we were younger, the same muscles responsible, the pubococcygeus (pc) muscles, can be strengthened to play a role in controlling when you ejaculate and to some extent how much ejaculate you produce.
Begin by imagining that you are passing urine and you stop midstream. You would have contracted the pc muscles. Begin contracting and relaxing the pc muscles three or four times per day for five minutes while you are driving to work, sitting or standing for long periods.
Knowing all the available options you have, including practising a positive self-esteem is the first step to gaining control and firing on time.
Next week we will look at more treatment methods to add to your arsenal.
Dr. Sidney McGill is a Marriage and Family Therapist.
