It's not quite Irish
published: Thursday | March 11, 2004

By Rosemary Parkinson, Freelance Writer

Cassons English Pub, Bar and Restaurant

1D Braemar Avenue

Kingston 10

Telephone: 927-7114, 978-7076, (cell) 382-6164

Hours: Monday to Saturday 10:00 a.m. until

Last orders for nosh 10:30 p.m.

Sunday 9:00 a.m. until the party is over (Sunday opening hours depend on sports)

I HAVE been to Cassons English Pub several times with all good intentions of behaving myself, having a bite to eat, then rushing home to write all about it.

But each time, from nowhere, my arm would suddenly twist every which way with huge force and suddenly one of Gary Casson's beastly cold Heineken would be firmly in my left hand ­ then another, and another, and nex' t'ing mi 'ave a pivotal role in huge political, 'cricketal', football or some other riveting, loud discussion about nothing much with several oddballs at the bar. At times I've gotten so fretful in my argumentative stress that I've turned to the hard stuff ­ Appleton White. Hence, not a story in two years and not 'mea culpa'. Everyone know mi love food so blame Casson and 'im cold beers.

Anyway, to make a long story short, my editor reminded me that St. Patrick's Day was approaching, and you know we Caribbean smaddie, we can't tell an Englishman from an Irishman from a Scotsman (sorry, I change that statement ­ the world knows a Scotsman) so I immediately thought Cassons Pub. I can get something for St. Patrick's Day from Cassons Pub.

Now, Gary Casson is not Irish, he is from Birmingham, England. Generally people from Birmingham do not celebrate St. Patrick's Day unless they are pub owners with an Irish clientele. From what I know Gary Casson does not have an Irish clientele ­ except for those occasional leprachauns. (No, no Rosemary, don't go there. Tsk Tsk. Bad girl. It's not nice to deem those nice little tiny men sitting at the bar leprachauns. Shame on you. Naughty girl.) Let's re-phrase, taking it from 'Generally people from Birmingham do not celebrate St. Patrick's Day', and continuing with, but on the other hand, thought I, the English are here to play cricket. Loads of fans from the ex-Mother country are 'inhouse' to see their team beat us into tiny little morsels so they can munch us with jerk sauce. Maybe a few Irish might find themselves in that crowd, praying silently for the West Indian team to lambaste the English. (The Irish travel far and wide in search of someone, anyone, to beat the English at anything.) This brings to mind a little story: Many moons ago an very inebriated Irishman looked at my West Indian friend in London one late night as we exited a pub on Portobello Road and said, "We luv you Jamaicans. We do, 'cause you came to London and took the pressure off us Irish. Now I can be on the dole all de time," and with that he 'hicupped' and walked off leaving us laughing 'til we nearly fell in de road ditch. Don't know what that has to do with Casson's Pub or St. Patrick's Day except the Irish guy in the story looked like a leprachaun. Whatever.

CASSONS' NOSH

I had a delicious, fine smooth Chicken Liver Pate that I smothered all over thick slices of fresh French baguette (see page C1 for our traditional French bread recipe), and a diet Pepsi. I followed that with a fine enormous pot-pie of chicken and mushroom (commonly known as Chicken & Mushroom Pie in any pub be it in England, Ireland or Scotland ­ even on St. Patrick's Day) and a diet Pepsi. My friend had Pate, English Fish and Chips and a beastly cold Red Stripe. Hello! Not nice and not fair.

The menu offers Steak & Kidney Pie, Cornish Pasty (like a patty without seasoning), open-faced sandwiches and Jamaican fare ­ Steamed Fish, Pepper Steak, and Curry Mutton (said Gary, I countered with, "You mean 'Goat', Gary"). There's Garlic Shrimp or Deep Fried Shrimp. An incredible English breakfast is also available. Listen to this: Fat Boy's Special consisting of fried eggs, sausage, bacon, baked beans, grilled tomato, mushrooms, chips and fried-in-bacon-fat-toast (only on order). In Gary's own words: "A cholesterol overdose." In mine: "Heaven." Does this mean that I can now drink all night then have a good, hearty breakfast. Hey, I might even pick up one of those there leprachauns. Lord ­ save me from myself for I know not why suddenly leprachauns have become the subject of my demented mind. Must be a St. Patrick's Day thingie.

COME AGAIN ­ GERMAN-JAMAICAN FOLK SONGS?

Moving right along. I'm sure you're all waiting with bated breath to find out what someone from Birmingham with a French name like Casson is doing in Kingston. Sorry, cannot explain that French name. However, some six years ago Gary was working at Morgan's Harbour in Port Royal when he met a Jamaican gal at the German Oktoberfest whilst Byron Lee belted out the best of German-Jamaican folk songs. They fell instantly in love.

Now, let's get real here Gary, this is not a love story this is called necessity. I mean, one German folk song and I would love anyone who whisked me away from that little ear-bending experience. Well anyway, the rest is history and the fairy tale began: Gary and Debbie, love and marriage without a horse and carriage, but with Cassons Pub. They are easily recognisable. Gary has a cut-off ponytail and football player haircut and Debbie is lovely. She sits in for Gary after a hard night at the bar.

Ahhh, di bar. What a way mi can twist story every which way until mi come back to di bar, eh? Cassons Bar has the best in beastly cold beers ­ Real Rock and Lion Heart on Draft, Fosters in cans, Red Stripe and Heineken and a good selection of 'hard stuff' displayed nicely on the mirrored wall behind the bar. You just order, drink, and start arguing with anyone. There are no rules here as to subject matter, 'tis that kind of a friendly sort of place. With the mix of ex-pats, Jamaicans, a German or two thrown in for good measure (hello Wilfred), lawyers, businessmen, accountants, tax auditors (was that a shout for TAXI) and the occasional brave politician, there's always much to holler about, particularly on a sports weekend when the restaurant turns into a living room with large TV screen, huge monitors, and enough cussing and roaring to stop downtown Kingston in its tracks. On Fridays there's a Happy Hour; beginning April 1, Tuesday is buy-one-get-one-free-night; Wednesday is Pot Pie Night ­ $350 each; Sunday is Happy Hour all day. Naturally, televised cricket matches are the source of much ado as well as American, English, Jamaican and German football games. No Irish football. Sorry leprachauns.

But yes, St. Patrick's Day. I am sure after all the chat about mad dogs and Englishmen this may sound incredible but at 7:00 p.m. on St. Patrick's Day, March 17, it's kick-off time ­ a football match between the English cricket fans' team and Sports Max at Mona's Buttercup Park - leprachaun land. Don't leprachauns live in buttercups or was that Tinkerbell? Whatever. There will be heavy follow-up drinking with much merriment afterwards at Cassons from 9:00 p.m. until... Bring your own green or catch a leprachaun with a handful of clover from Butterwhatever Park. Give leprachauns a chance. (I am definitely, definitely on a leprachaun bender - quite sick).

Happy St. Patrick's Day when it comes.

"Leprachauns are people too."

- Taken from the book 'Oh Yeah? How to win Leprachauns and influence the Irish or Vice Versa' Just kidding - Rosemary Parkinson.