Tony Deyal I BELIEVE in serendipity or what Jung the psychiatrist, eschewing coincidence, calls 'sychronicity'. I was just looking at the online Express where a reporter used the magic phrase, 'Pandemonium reigned' and then Wesley Gibbings, President of the Association of Caribbean Media, sent me something from the Plain English Campaign (PEC) about clichés and journalese.
According to the PEC, the phrase 'at the end of the day' is the most irritating cliché in the English language. Second place went to 'at this moment in time', and third to the constant use of 'like', as if it were a form of punctuation. 'With all due respect' came fourth. Other terms that received multiple nominations included: '24/7'; 'absolutely'; 'address the issue'; 'around' (in place of about); 'awesome'; 'ballpark figure'; 'basically'; 'basis' ('on a weekly basis' in place of 'weekly' and so on); 'bear with me'; 'between a rock and a hard place'; 'bottom line'; 'crack troops'; 'glass half full' (or half empty); 'I hear what you're saying'; 'in terms of'; 'it's not rocket science'; 'literally'; 'move the goal-posts'; 'ongoing'; 'prioritise'; 'pushing the envelope'; 'singing from the same hymn sheet'; 'the fact of the matter is'; 'thinking outside the box'; 'to be honest/to be honest with you/to be perfectly honest' and 'touch base'.
MY EARLY COLUMNS
In 1993, in one of my early columns for the Barbados Nation, I had put together a piece to help young writers blaming politicians, not journalists, for the continuity of clichés. However, both groups have so much in common, like police and thieves, that it is a matter of six-of-one and half-a-dozen of the other. For the edification of my readers, and to reduce the strain on my overtaxed and underpaid imagination, I introduce it as evidence. It asked the question, 'Tired of clichés? Try this for size'.
A young student was asked to use the word cliché in a sentence. She wrote, 'Father came home from work with a cliché on his face'. When the teacher demanded an explanation she said that she had checked it in the dictionary and the word cliché means 'a worn-out expression'. The group that has worn out the expressions most is the genus politicus politicians. They speak in a kind of shorthand or code that consists almost entirely of clichés. If a net can be considered a number of holes sewn together with twine, a politician's speech is a number of clichés fused together by hot air.
A politician who can avoid clichés is worth his weight in gold. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, clichés are hard for politicians to avoid. But they should be avoided like the plague as they provide the acid test for politicians in deadly earnest of being considered the new kids on the block or new brooms that sweep clean. To me clichés are the most annoying things under the sun, like a red flag to a bull. I bare my teeth when I hear one. My blood boils and I am up in arms as I vent my wrath on the television or radio when I catch a politician red-handed using a cliché. It goes without saying that politicians view with alarm my indignation. They do have a bone of contention when I write them off lock, stock and barrel because of their hackneyed phrases. It takes the wind from their sails and, because it is in the newspaper, adds insult to injury.
UP THE CREEK
What is the politician to do? He is literally up the creek caught between the devil and the deep blue sea. However, he must take the bull by the horns and become a tower of strength, fighting the cliché habit through thick and thin. He must have the courage of his convictions to nip in the bud every trite phrase or overused word. Through supreme sacrifices too numerous to mention he will be able to develop a speaking style second to none. It will not be easy to keep a stiff upper lip and be as cool as a cucumber in the process, but soon our politicians will be able to turn the tables on their opponents with the rapidity of a bolt from the blue. And it will not be once in a blue moon either. They will all be as happy as clams as they snatch victory from the jaws of defeat. The clichés will be conspicuous by their absence. Their reign of terror will end. I will be able to point with pride to the politician who ends his ill-fated association with clichés and becomes one of the select few.
Unfortunately, there is more here than meets the eye. In the final analysis, a leopard cannot change his spots and we will continue to hear about things happening behind closely guarded doors by tight-lipped committee members engaged in a far-reaching inquiry. Efforts will continue to be intensified against the rising tide of every possible ill. Government will take a firm stand against this, that and the other and speculation will always be rife. Last but not least, the politicians are not alone. Perhaps my journalist friends can answer: Was the fire really stubborn? Was the smoke acrid? Did it pour out? Did it billow? Was it really a wild chase? Were the weapons brandished, wielded or merely held? Is the truth always naked? Are blessings always disguised? Are conclusions always foregone?
I would love to see an end to clichés, but for all intents and purposes that is merely wishful thinking.
Tony Deyal was last seen between a rock and a hard place, twiddling his thumbs, stark raving mad. It seems the clichés had gone to his head. Needless to say the news spread like wild fire.
