REVEREND MERCELYN Bellamy, counsellor for the Jamaica Cancer Society, states that anger and an uncaring attitude which manifest themselves in families when the presence of cancer is announced is often a mask for deeper, more complex feelings.
Rev. Bellamy, who is a cancer survivor herself, has been associated with Reach to Recovery for the last 17 years and says that, in the presence of cancer, families/caregivers react in different ways.
"Some are very supportive, but some are not supportive, at all. (However), most times you find that people react in a negative way, it's because they can't deal with the situation," she stated.
Even the patient himself or herself can be very angry, resentful and "sometimes they push their relatives away," the counsellor adds.
The relative or caregiver can get very angry.
Sexual relations
"A man whose wife has cervical cancer, for example, was very resentful because she was not be able to have sexual relations with him. Although the wife was bleeding heavily he wanted to have intercourse."
Intervention by the counsellor made him realise that his actions were making her worse. He held her hand until the day she died.
"Education is key. With more information, relatives often become more supportive," Rev. Bellamy said, noting that in instances of breast cancer, some men feel their wife is no longer the same person sexually.
The cost of cancer care is another cause of conflict in families.
"Surgery is costly and so is chemotherapy. The medication for chemotherapy is very expensive. Radiation is quite expensive too. Most persons get both. Also, they have to follow up with medication. These tablets are also extremely expensive."
She said that some families are not coping at all, financially. At some points, some family members refuse to spend one more cent, even when money is needed to reduce pain, because they are all "dried out."
Cancer also impacts on the family socially.
"Some persons feel that cancer is like HIV. Some people believe that it is a lifestyle disease. Friends disappear. You are not invited out again. Even the husband feels embarrassed to take the wife out."
Not all stories are sad though. "I have a case where 32-year-old has ear, nose and throat cancer from she was 19. She is now blind, the eyes are protruding, her features are twisted, the skin has a burnt appearance.
"However, her life partner is very loving and supporting. He tries to continue with his job and care for his wife at the same time. He can't afford to be paying mortgage and at the same time pay someone to care for her. So, he does it himself. They have two children too."
This is the story in many families. "In terminal cases, they try to make the person die comfortably."
Caregivers
It is important to recognise the need for counselling for members of the family who are caregivers.
"They will cry and they talk, many come and want to talk it out. I go to the scriptures and give hope, pray with them. I am satisfied that we help," Counsellor Bellamy said.
A diagnosis of cancer does not mean that your relative is about to die. "Most people think of the word cancer as terminal but this is not really so," she states.
She advises, "Do not isolate yourself from the church, friends and others who might be a source of support for you."
Get as much information on the condition as you can, as this will also help the family to cope.
Reach to Recovery at the Jamaica Cancer Society offers counselling to family members and advice on coping financially.
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