Sidney McGill - HEALTHY SEX 101
CASUAL CONSENSUAL sex is changing. A heterosexual or homosexual couple in the heat of their sexual liaison is now forced to have a reality check before penetration takes place. The reality check goes like this: "Do you have your passport (condom)?" If the answer is 'no' then 'legal' entry is usually denied.
But many still continue to check their common sense at the door and passionately enter with no questions asked until close to a climax then one of them pops the question that kills the sex 'vibes': "Have you done your HIV test?" If the answer is 'yes' then the next question follows: "How long ago?"
Then there are those we call adolescents who are more concerned with peer acceptance and are more likely not to bother to ask the question out of fear of rejection or ignorance. Fear and ignorance are well-known enemies of sex and survival. Fear that causes intense prolonged anxiety makes us change our behaviours to more self-protective ones. Fear causes neuroses and suspicion in the way we initiate, develop and end relationships. Although it may reduce sexual chaos, gambling and drug use may be used to ward off anxiety and provide a false sense of hope to people who seek freedom from the bondage of fear.
A LIFESTYLE CHANGE
A lifestyle which causes diabetes and hypertension carries little or no anxieties because over-eating sweets and fats and under-exercising is not controlled by moral restraint but by health or spiritual principles. Studies have shown that the more fluid that people drink, the lower their risks for developing certain types of cancer, including prostate and breast cancers, yet drinking eight glasses of water a day is not a priority for most Jamaicans where the incidence of prostate cancer is the highest in the world.
If you want to control your weight, a new diet plan may be guaranteed to help you lose weight but does not reach the root of the problem of overeating. To permanently stop overeating requires a lifestyle change where emotional needs are met through healthier activities. Similarly, sexual health for many of us requires a lifestyle change that sees sex as relational and makes abstinence and committed, faithful relationships the norm. But this has to be a part of a greater change that deals with our existential purpose which involves our spiritual and religious life.
FEARING SEX
Learning to use condoms properly and every time does not provide 100 per cent protection from HIV infection. French kissing is now considered risky since sex partners may have poor oral hygiene. Infected blood from one person enters inflamed gums, sores, or abrasions in the mouth. But fear is not the appropriate response, 'for God has not given us a spirit of fear but of love and of a sound mind', therefore take heart.
Hugging, living in the same household with an infected person, holding or shaking hands, sharing towels or combs, touching shared food, clothing, utensils and closed-mouth kissing are safe activities. The answer to reducing the spread of AIDS is not abstinence but chastity that incorporates other spiritual values that give meaning to life. It is a life invested in the righteousness of God, confident that this is the best life investment there is or will ever be, 'in short, a life that works and hopes for all that the gospel promises and knowing that such work is not in vain, such hope is not misplaced, and we will not be put to shame'. Abstinence therefore must be practised out of a lifestyle of chastity and not a response to fear.
Dr. Sydney McGill is a marriage and family therapist and executive director of the Family Counselling Centre of Jamaica, St. Ann; email: yourhealth@gleanerjm.com.