Sidney McGill, Contributor
IN OUR culture sexual performance plays a vital role in a man's self definition, and in some women's self-concept.
To prove his manhood, the pleasure of sexual gratification itself and the satisfaction in knowing that he can sexually satisfy one or more women, at the drop of a hat, can become a central part of a man's reason to live. His sexual prowess and frequency are directly proportional to his self-esteem and positive image of masculinity: less so on his ability to commit himself to a long-term relationship and the responsibilities involved.
But his 'village ram' mentality may take him to the extreme where he spends inordinate amounts of time in sexually-related activities and neglects important aspects of day-to-day life.
Sex experts call the condition hyper-sexuality, nymphomania or compulsive sexual disorder. If his or her social, occupational and recreational life are taking a back seat to sexual cravings, then it's time to do something about it.
WHAT TO LOOK FOR
If your sexual behaviour is out of control, you may display it in different ways, including having multiple sexual partners or extramarital affairs; having sex with a succession of anonymous partners or prostitutes, and treating them as objects to be used for sex; using commercial sexually explicit phone lines and Internet chat rooms; engaging in excessive masturbation, as often as five to 15 times per day; using pornographic materials frequently; experiencing sexual excitement by inflicting or receiving pain during sex (sadomasochistic sexual behaviour); desiring to expose your genitals in public, and feeling compelled to engage in sexual activity when you are stressed, anxious or depressed. In some cases, compulsive sexual behaviour can be caused by a neurologic disorder, such as epilepsy or Alzheimer's disease.
CAUSES
An obsession with sexual activity may be a maladaptive coping mechanism for other emotional problems, including mood and personality disorders. Some experts believe that early traumatic events, such as emotional or physical abuse in childhood can develop an unhealthy attitude toward sex.
These early traumatic experiences may cause negative emotions, such as shame and a negative self-esteem that can inhibit normal sexual expression and intimacy and result in extreme sexual activity. Sexual compulsions may also be a way of fulfilling the emptiness in your life, if you are experiencing loneliness and depression. Although compulsive sexual behaviour will bring some short-term relief, the negative feelings are likely to recur, often with greater intensity.
WHERE TO FIND TREATMENT
Most people with compulsive sexual behaviour need professional treatment since attempting to resolve the problem by themselves will prove unsuccessful especially if their sexual behaviour is hurting their relationships with friends and family, affecting their ability to work or resulting in negative consquences, such as getting arrested.
A good therapist or a clinical sexologist with a psychological background should be able to unearth the underlying problems that are maintaining the habit and try to correct the problem. Successful treatment is possible, but will depend on a strong desire to regain control of your sexual self and rearrange your life for greater meaning and purpose.
Dr. Sidney McGill is a marriage and family therapist and executive director of Family Counselling Centre of Jamaica, St. Ann; email: yourhealth@gleanerjm.com.
