Glenda Simms/ Columnist
MOTHER'S DAY has evolved into an occasion to celebrate the essential role that women play in the development of their societies. In her capacity as the mothering one, there can be no doubt that
communities as we know them could not
survive without the care and nurturing that a woman brings to the hearth and home.
Combined with this validation of motherhood is the reality that the undervaluing of womanhood in patriarchal structures also produces a dark side to the role of the mother.
It is against this view that mothers become the favourite characters in most books and
stories. Folk tales and other readings designed to stimulate children's imagination have both glamorised and demonised somebody's mother.
Cinderella was treated like a second-class
citizen by her wicked stepmother the mother of her homely sisters. Along with the stepmother the most demonised of mothers is the
mother-in-law. But both the step-mother and the mother-in-law are "mothers" to people who love and cherish them. So mothers must always be conscious of the transformation of their roles. They need to be constantly on watch so that they do not move from the most important member of a family to the margins of 'wicked witch', 'meddler', 'interferer' or just plain 'bitch'.
THE 'CALCULATING' WOMAN
Jane Mills in her unique dictionary Woman Words found that the concept of mother was prominent in the mythology of many ancient cultures and was linked to words of calculation and mathematical processes. In fact Mills' research led to the conclusion that "men once thought women were able to give birth because they had superior skills in measuring and figuring." It appears that men expended considerable energy in trying to master the perceived 'feminine skills' that led to the ability to give birth.
According to Mills, this theory was not reflected when the term 'mother' denoting a female parent entered the English language in the 11th century.
Whether the origin of 'mother' can be precisely located is of little interest to anyone in contemporary society. What is obvious is that among many traditional societies including the first nations of North America the terms 'Mother Earth' and 'Mother Nature' are still concepts that connote both the glory and the pain of everyday life.
HONOURING MOTHERS
The ambivalence that is connected with
motherhood colours much of societies' social and psychological responses to women. On Mother's Day many mothers will be told that they are special and wonderful. They will be feted and honoured in dining rooms, living rooms, churches and synagogues. This special day will be experienced as both a meaningful 24 hours and as a consumption-driven affair. Like Christmas, Easter, Valentine's Day and Halloween, Mother's Day will make money for a wide cross-section of businesses.
Hopefully, it will also bring joy to many women who have taken seriously the
responsibility of motherhood and parenting. While the majority of mothers have much to shout about, we need to be reminded that in some societies women are called upon to be exceptional mothers in environments that deny their essential humanity. For instance, son
preference is a feature of many societies. In countries such as India, Nigeria, Korea, Bangladesh and China, this feature has resulted in an over-abundance of males and the steady disappearance of thousands of girls who are aborted because they are undesirables.
In such societies, a woman is called upon to devalue her girl child and to do everything
possible to bring forth a son.
Such a process of devaluing one's essential identity, must, of necessity, be a burden on women, for whereas it is a fact that women learn to prefer sons in the same way that men do, it is not far-fetched to believe that the deep psychological pain of rejecting the feminine must be burdensome on every woman who becomes a mother.
BURDENING MOTHERS
In westernised societies such as Jamaica, the burden of motherhood lies less in son preference and more in the double and triple roles that women must play in an ever-
changing environment.
Mothers are expected to be the nurturers of children and the centre of the household
operations. If she is well-off, she is expected to supervise the cleaning staff, the washer woman, the butcher, the cook, the driver, the gardener and the dog minder. She is also expected to attend the parent-teacher meetings, drive the kids to music lessons, dance classes and to sleep-over parties.
On the other hand, if she is poor and the head of her household, she is expected to perform miracles to find three meals a day for her five or six children fathered and neglected by the seven or eight men who "passed through and never looked back".
So while both classes of women find spaces to celebrate motherhood, the objective reality is that the responsibility of a mother creates a kind of burden that is hardly recognised on Mother's Day.
The burden of motherhood is an outcome of the burden of girlhood. Since the majority of girls in every society are in training not just to become women but to become mothers, then the ambivalence towards women and girls and the resultant devaluing of the feminine impact on the role of women in all societies.
GENDER-BASED VIOLENCE
In fact, in Jamaica the burden of motherhood is starkly framed by the horrific levels of
gender-based violence and the atrocities that are carried out against the girl child on a daily basis.
A case in point is the story of the vicious rape and murder of seven-year-old Shenika Anderson which was carried in the local media on May 2, 2005.
Shenika's mother, Ruth Green, did what most responsible mothers would do she took her child to her workplace in the market so that she could keep an eye on her. Like any normal seven-year-old Shenika found a little friend and started playing with him. Ruth saw this activity and felt comfortable enough to move from her stall to buy a few items. According to news reports, when she returned both children were absent from their area. The little boy returned at 6:30 p.m. but Shenika turned up dead in another community another victim of the wickedness and the inhumanity of so many men in the society.
Ms. Green is left not only to grieve but to blame herself and also to deal with the fact that many in her community and in the market might blame her for taking the little girl into Coronation Market and for leaving her to play with another child while she carried out her chores. But even if she made some mistakes along the way, this mother is not the guilty one. It is the vicious animal who savaged this innocent seven-year-old girl who must be
condemned, arrested and put away for life.
Many mothers tell me that they neither read the newspapers, listen to the radio nor watch local television. They are over-burdened by the pain of the horrible crimes that are reported day after day. On behalf of these mothers, I would like to salute the courage of Doreen Billings who now heads an organisation called Mother in Crisis. Ms. Billings is an example of a woman who has decided to throw off the burden of motherhood by
stating clearly that women must reach the stage where they are "fed up with criminal sons and spouses".
In The Sunday Gleaner of April 17, 2005, Robert Lalah, staff reporter, informed his readers that "Doreen Billings, a tough-talking mother of three" has set out on a path "in which women can use "their influence as mothers to empower other women with tips on how to get their loved ones back on track" in order to decrease the crime rate in the country.
In solidarity with every mother who feels the burden of her social, psychological and physical attachment to the society, like Doreen, we must all be committed to lightening the burden of motherhood by confronting the ugliness in some of our offsprings.
Dr. Glenda Simms is the executive
director of the Bureau of Women's Affairs. You can send your comments to infocus@gleanerjm.com.
