Orville W. Taylor, Contributor
WELL! YOU thought that it was Terry McMillan who was 'waiting to exhale' but it appears that her husband could not hold his breath any longer and has now revealed that he is gay. Shock! McMillan had told the world that Stella had got her 'groove' back but as irony would have it, she really got a 'groove' instead of having a 'stud' or 'plug'. Woodworkers and carpenters would understand this.
What is most amusing is that this fellow, in defending himself about his delayed 'coming out of the closet,' pathetically told her that he didn't know that he was gay when he married her.
Maybe he was fooling himself in the same way that he was misleading her. After all, he was said to have found her to be "an attractive older woman." Huh? I saw her photos and I saw the movie and while the youth is no Taye Diggs, McMillan is miles away from being the physically attractive beauty portrayed by the in shape, well-toned Angela Bassett.
For a woman so intelligent, she must have thought that there was something unusual or strange about this guy because it is not normal for a man to be enamoured with a woman so many years his senior.
Let me pause here and make a reality check with my readers. If a man is attracted to a woman who is significantly older and whose body is obviously more aged, there is usually something else that is the motive factor. Similarly, when men who are woefully out of shape with 'obstetric' paunches and more 'chins' than an Asian phone book find a young girl, she is most often pulled by status or economic factors.
It is like the line from the old Sparrow song, Mr. Walker "every time I take a good look, in her face I see a bank book".
PSYCHOLOGICAL DISORDER
Nonetheless, there is a psychological disorder called an Electra complex, where, women are unusually pulled towards father figures and the equivalent Oedipus (pronounced "ea' di puss"). The latter comes from a tragic figure in a play written by the Greek playwright Sophocles. King Oedipus had inadvertently killed his father and married his mother.
Anyway, "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" and McMillan is accused of calling him names such as "fag" and has been labelled by him as being homophobic. I wonder if now they will 'boy'cott her books and take the DVD starring the pre-drugs Whitney Houston, off the shelves.
I am sorry for her because at 52 it is more difficult to move on but she will just have to put the deceit, disappointment, hurt and his homosexuality behind her. He did the right thing in finally revealing his true (rainbow) colours because one cannot continuously live a lie. Despite my own conviction that homosexuality is learnt behaviour- as sociologists generally feel about behaviour on the whole - once an individual becomes socialised into a particular taste he or she is either 'terrestrial' like dogs, 'aquatic', like fish, or less commonly, amphibious. Please note that the reason why there is 'mad cow' disease is because plant-eating cattle were fed meat products. Macmillan took a gamble and lost.
Misplaced trust is invariably followed by rude awakenings, sometimes with tragic consequences. For example, a month ago, an American tourist girl went to Aruba and disappeared after being in the company of several young men. Now, the American media are up in arms with the Aruban government and many are suggesting that not enough is being done. Whatever may be the results here, there is a lesson to be learnt. There are perils in going into strange places with strangers and allowing oneself to be plied with alcohol even if it is for gratuitous sex. Remember! There are always those who will take advantage of the weak as long as the opportunity presents itself.
A HEALTHY MISTRUST OF ADULTS
Closer to home, my stomach is curling at the death of little Shaneka Shakes, and her friend, Shauna-Kay Ledgister. A few weeks ago, another child was lured away by a man while she and her friend were playing in the market. Like these two, she was sexually assaulted and then murdered. We need to keep a keen eye on our children and teach them a healthy mistrust of adults.
While still on the subject of sexual misconduct, I was questioned by a young male as to what 'date rape' was. Of course it involves a woman or man being forced to have sex by her or his date. The case of physical force or the threat of violence is obvious.
However, it is also rape if you intoxicate or give her or him 'Spanish Fly' even if he or she is 'licky licky'. Hear this! I believe that it can also be rape if you present yourself to be something that you are not. So, if you tell a woman that you are the 'doctor' in the hospital but turn out to be the 'ductor' on a bus. It is not simply a matter of one letter. It is fraud and if you have sex by fraud it can be rape. Can a lawyer comment?
Still, in love and in war we have to make snap judgments and have to handle the outcomes of our choices. We can't just pick up any "Missa Man" or "Miss Lady" without checking him or her out. Oftentimes, we have gut feelings but we suppress them due to our short-term needs or attraction.
A word to youngsters! Most times the parents are right and if Daddy does not like him, there is probably something wrong with him.
Anyway, like another of McMillan's books here is my "Disappearing Act."
Dr. Orville Taylor is lecturer in the Department of Sociology, Psychology and Social Work at the University of the West Indies, Mona.
