Michael Reckord, Contributor
"WE'VE GOT the most brazen criminals in the world, you know, Dads," Artie said, as I settled into my regular chair on his verandah the other afternoon.
After a quick mental check of recent news reports (gunmen shooting up police stations in broad daylight, young men with large guns parading through their inner city communities, day time robberies of banks and supermarkets, and murder at uptown stop lights by motorbike riders), I mentioned my list to Artie and asked him which incident he was referring to.
"None of those, Dads," Artie said. "They're old hat. I'm talking about the new samfie artist who has been phoning up various homes, businessplaces and even police stations, impersonating police personnel."
I shrugged. "I must've missed that news, but policemen often get impersonated."
Artie laughed. "Yes, but how often do policewomen get impersonated, and high-ranking ones at that?"
"What rank?"
"The papers reported that Deputy Superintendent Hyacinth Wallace has been a impersonated, and Superintendent Ione Ramsay-Nelson, and Assistant Commissioner Novelette Grant."
"Good heavens!"
BRAZEN ATTEMPT
"Yes." Artie nodded. "And as a result, the conwoman, and the other tricksters she works with, have fleeced the public of at least one car, as well as large sums of money. Sometimes they tell hard-luck stories, sometimes they claim they have ties to the passport and immigration services and can get travel documents for you."
"That's brazen," I said.
"And Dads, if I wasn't sharp, you might've become a victim."
"Oh?"
"The impersonator phoned me."
"You're kidding!"
"No." Artie picked up his tape recorder. "I've got the conversation on tape most of it, anyway. When I answered the phone this morning, the woman on the other end said she was Superintendent Ione Ramsay-Nelson. I figured she wanted to talk to Mama who wasn't home - so I connected my tape recorder to the phone to record any message she might leave."
"How do I come into the picture?"
"You'll hear," Artie said and pressed the Play button.
Artie: Mama is not here, Superintendent. You want to leave a message?
Woman: You're Artie, Sergeant's son?
Artie: Yes.
Woman: You're the one I wanted to talk to.
Artie: Oh-oh! Am I in trouble?
Woman: I am, and I need your help.
Artie: (doubtfully) If I can, I ...
Woman: You're a reporter, right?
Artie: I'm trying to become one, but ...
Woman: As you know, your fellow reporters have been on my back to give them daily crime statistics.
FINANCIAL HELP
Artie: We need reliable news regularly.
Woman: But there's a shortage of manpower at the CCN and I simply cannot cope with the ever rising crime figures. I've got to get some secretarial help.
Artie: Good idea.
Woman: The thing is, secretaries cost money and the CCN budget can't stretch anymore. So I'm soliciting financial help from the public to hire staff.
Artie: I'm afraid I can't help, Superintendent. I'm not working.
Woman: Your mother supports you?
Artie: And my father. He's a teacher in New York.
Woman: Earning U.S. dollars, good. I'll call and see if he can help. You know what I we also need, motor vehicles. Do you have a car we could borrow?
Artie: Are you sure you're Supt. Ramsay?
Woman: Of course.
Artie: I don't have a car. My friend, Dads, usually gives me a lift when I need to ...
Woman: Give me his number, and your father's.
Artie: You know, lady, I'm not buying your hard luck story.
Woman: But a newsman like you must know the Police Force is in serious financial straits.
Artie: Ask the Government for money, not me.
Woman: We have a 47 per cent increase.
Artie: Tell me, who was the first female motor cycle cop?
Woman: I... ahm... I'm not sure ...
Artie: Hmmh, I'm going to call the CCN to check on this call.
At the sound of a sudden click, Artie turned off the tape recorder. "She hung up and I realised she was the impersonator. The real Supt Ramsay-Nelson would've known the answer; she was."
"Take care of that tape, Artie," I said, laughing. "It'll provide useful forensic evidence when the police catch those brazen criminals."
FILE
ACP Novelette Grant
