Shelly-Ann Thompson, Freelance Writer
SOME WOMEN swear that other women are sneaky, spiteful and ruthless.
Twenty-nine-year-old Charmaine Morrison, for one, believes that "Women only like to fas' in your business and compete against you."
How and why women sabotage each other has been such a hot topic that author American Leora Tanenbaum has written two books on the subject - Catfight: Women and Competition and Catfight: Rivalries Among Women - From Diets to Dating, From the Boardroom to the Delivery Room - looking at the aggression, rivalry and competition among American women.
In Catfight, Tanenbaum notes that "The more complicated a woman's life becomes, the more likely she is to take stock of her life and compare it with that of other women".
Most women value female moral support and friendship to cope with difficult intimate relationships or with family and children. However, there can be a darker side of female friendship. Often, women are quick to compare their lives with the lives of others as to who is the 'better' woman. This is a contest in which no one wins, say the experts.
Psychologist Dr. Asquith Reid says that competition among women is a socially learnt behaviour. He also notes that this competition also occurs within families, where mothers and daughters and sisters and sisters compete against each other.
"They (women) grow up seeing women compete in behaviour, look, dress, and even in terms of etiquette - how one holds a fork or knife," says Dr. Reid.
SOCIETY SETS WOMEN AGAINST EACH OTHER
Dr. Glenda Simms, executive director of Bureau of Women's Affair, says that the patriarchal society sets women to compete against each other.
"Women have been socialised to compete against each other and not to like each other. Sometimes too, they are not necessarily competing, but because of socialisation it becomes a norm. It's usually who is better, who feels better, who has a greater potential," explains Simms.
Dr. Kai Morgan, a clinical psychologist in the Department of Community Health and Psychiatry at the University of the West Indies, Mona, says trust is the issue.
"Jamaicans are generally distrustful. They have not had very secure childhood experience and have not learnt that the environment and the people within it can be trusted. They have learned to hustle and to do what it takes to survive - like our ancestors did," adds Dr. Morgan.
FOR UPWARD MOBILITY
Yet, Dr. Reid notes that women often compete or befriend other women who are of a higher social class for upward mobility. The psychologist says that a woman will do so by pretending that she likes the woman who is of higher social standing in order to gain social favour.
Sandra Neal, 34, sees it a different way. She believes that most women are just plain mean to each other and that some women just don't want to see others of their gender succeed.
"Women give each other dirty looks and make mean comments not only in the workplace but everywhere - on the bus, supermarket, on the street. From women you don't even know," says Neal.
Dr. Reid says that being more educated than before has not stemmed the tide of female rivalry. Education does not stop them from having confrontations that are often verbal. "They have always had words, and that's how they express themselves through words.
"They can reply more quickly than men can. That's why they have verbal confrontations and mean-spirited behaviour. They have experienced more emotions than many men. That's why they behave in a bitchy (manner) as they know and can return the favour," says Dr. Reid.
Dr. Morgan notes that from a social, learning or behavioural perspective, mean behaviour have benefited many women and so they continue.
"The strategy is maladaptive, but the end result is rewarding. Yes, they may lose a friend, but they get whatever it is they were seeking when they decided to betray that friend," she says.
SISTERHOOD STILL EXISTS
Dr, Simms, however, notes that sisterhood still exists. Simms says she has seen in rural areas where women are helping each other (cooking and baby-sitting) while in the Corporate Area women are going to the movies together.
"Look, even within the church there are women's group, even within the market they look out for each other. There is more collaboration among women than we admit. When women need support systems, they have to turn to each other," says Simms.
This may be true as throughout centuries women have rallied around each other mainly through women's groups. In Jamaica there are organisations like the Young Women's Christian Association (YWCA) and Woman Incorporated that support and uplift women.
Ariadne Collier, Executive Director of the Kingston chapter of the YWCA, says that the association has been offering services to women and children in Jamaica for 82 years. Collier notes that the association was formed out of a tea and sympathy prayer group in England in the mid-19th century. During the industrial revolution the organisation would offer housing to women who were looking for work in the big city. Now the association operates projects to uplift women as well as adolescence and skills programmes; community development projects; summer camp for children; and has responsibility for the YWCA School Leavers Institute.
"We have continued our service to women mainly because of the kind of people who are employed by the Y -- people who have a feel of sympathy, for women in particular. We assist women, not as individuals but those who can make a change in society. There are women who have come in wanting to do a skills training programme and they may not be able to afford it but are still allowed into the programme and are grateful for this. (Serving women) is in our mission, in our motto 'by love serve one another'."
HOW TO FOSTER SISTERHOOD
Women relating with each other or having a bond is much stronger than men, says Dr. Reid. Men have camaraderie but don't normally have close relationships as women do. For women to foster better relationships he suggests that women make more opportunities to be together in terms of social activity. Long ago there was the social welfare, tea parties, baking, that women did together. The key, he says, is to find current activities that would give comparative opportunities to increase or build bonding between women.
Plus, he add, women can compliment each other for achievements, whether it be your co-worker, relative, friend, or an associate.
WORKPLACE COMPETITION
Competition between women exists strongly in the workplace. Dr. Glenda Simms of the Women's Bureau notes that when women occupy new positions they often "become queen bees" of that post due to the inequality in the workplace. They thus view other women as a challenge.
The workplace competition, she adds, sometimes works similarly to racism and sexism. "It's because we don't have gender equality in the system, so every woman sees other women as a threat. They see themselves as the first female to occupy that role - that gives distinctiveness - so they protect that position."
It's common for a female colleague to "accidentally" misplace your files, "jokingly" tells your boss about a mistake you made, or "forget" to inform you about an important meeting.
Dr. Morgan, speaking from experience, notes that it is a phenomenon that is well noted anecdotally in Jamaica. Mean-spiritedness among women usually exists within the workplace. "In any institution or profession that consists primarily of women there is often this kind of vindictive, vicious, bitter behaviour towards each other".
Still, Dr. Reid cautions that persons should not immediately conclude that women are mean-spirited towards their female co-workers as there could be a number of factors contributing to the behaviour. Some women prefer to work with a man, because what you see is what you get from most men. Some women also believe that a man will do a better job.
Dr. Reid adds that women sometimes put down other women by finding fault so they won't feel bad about themselves and their lack of achievement. For example, a career woman quits to become a full-time mom. Although she misses her job and the income, she belittles you, a working mother, as selfishly unconcerned with your children's welfare.
THE FIGHT FOR MEN
Dr. Reid notes that the most critical areas of competition between women are marriage and children. However, when women vie against each other in these areas society usually sees it as desirable.
"These achievements (marriage and children) make them feel more womanly. So if they have these over another woman they tend to want to brag or show off. If they don't have these achievements, they will try to put down the other woman (in order to) feel better about themselves."
The fear is that there are only a few "good" eligible men and with the "man-shortage" some women are not afraid to claim another woman's male partner.
Marsha Spence, who is in her late-20s, says although she has good female friends, vindictive women do exist. "There are women who will take other women's men -- they don't play. I know a girl who says as long as a woman's man has money she'll go after him."
Dr. Morgan notes that women have been in competition for stability and for men for such a long time that it has become an adaptive mechanism.
"The reality of this country, of Jamaica, of African Americans, is the scarcity of our black men who are imprisoned, dead or living a hopeless life that will lead to either one. The pickings are slim. So it is this mentality that can lead to women backstabbing their friends, pretending to like each other (to achieve individual goals) and in general competing against each other," explains Dr. Morgan.
Dr. Morgan also says that from an evolutionary or biological perspective, women are mean to each other due to scarce resources, particularly men.
"From the days of slavery, when the family was disconnected and men were moved from plantation to plantation regardless of attachments formed, women learned a few ways to cope or adjust to these realities".
Still, Dr. Simms notes that there are men who take pleasure in seeing women compete against each other for them. This kind of behaviour makes them feel powerful or significant.
"They do this by setting girlfriend against girlfriend, baby mother against each other, and sweetheart verses sweetheart," she says.
IS COMPETITION GENDER-BASED
Competition is not gender-based, says Dr. Reid. It happens among men, it's just "more prevalent in the women's world. Men will find other things such as sports or music to vent their (feelings around their) lack of achievement."
Social anthropologist Professor Barry Chevannes at the University of the West Indies, Mona, says he doesn't see any evidence that mean-spiritedness and competition among women is gender-based.
Mean-spiritedness and competition are more cultural, power and social behaviours that are learned.
Professor Chevannes points to the way women drive. "If it were genetic look at how women drive - it's even changing. They (used to be) more timid and very careful. Once you could always tell if it were a woman and not a man driving. You can't do that any longer as women are assuming the cultural characteristics of the road."
