Tony Deyal
SEVEN IS considered a mystic or magic number, the number of perfection. Followers of the great mathematician, Pythagoras, have great reverence for the number seven because it is formed by the addition of the 'significant' numbers - three and four.
There are a lot of significant sevens around - the days of creation, including the 'rest' day; the times Christ spoke on the cross; the seven seals in the Book of Revelation; the seven sciences; the seven deadly sins; the seven seas; the seven planets; and the seven colours of the rainbow.
In the human body, there are seven parts to the embryo, seven internal organs, seven divisions of the eye, seven components of the heart and seven layers of skin. When the city of Jericho was captured, seven priests with seven trumpets walked seven times round the city on the seventh day.
NEW WORLD ORDER
It is when two sevens come together to make the number '77' that things really start popping. Seven is used seventy-seven times in the Old Testament. In the New World Order, there is the Group of 77 formed on June 15, 1964 by 77 developing countries. For numerology buffs, American Airlines Flight 77 is the one that crashed into the Pentagon on 9/11. In politics, there is Proposition 77, which was a major issue in California, since it sought to amend the process for redistricting California's Senate, Assembly, Congressional and Board of Equalisation districts. There is the website core77.com which features advice like this from Douglas Rushk off, "The longevity and prosperity of any enterprise depend most on its participants' ability to maintain the wellspring of innovation."
Which brings us to Cosmopolitan Magazine and its lurid headline in the latest (November 2006) issue, 'Introducing ... our new sex position: named 77; it's as mind-blowing as that other naughty number."
WELLSPRING OF INNOVATION
While there were other headlines and promises like, '20 SEXIFIERS (just for your eyes!)' and 'Get your guy to give you the attention you crave', and even 'How to turn him on without touching', and not having gone beyond two, the 77 made my eyes pop and my imagination run wild. Perhaps this was the wellspring of innovation.
The cynic in me said that it was probably an equation. In other words, 69 + 8 (voyeurs) = 77. But then, my doubting Thomas asked, what if the 'eight' is wrongly spelled and is really 'ate'? The explorer in me said it is worth finding out whether I was on the ball. Suffice it to say that having ploughed through incredibly sexy advertisements for products from perfume to pants (short and hot, or what my breathing became), I was disappointed. First, the turn-on, "We cornered some of the leading sexperts in the country and asked them to divulge the new naughty, naughty things more and more people are sampling in the sack. The following five carnal crazes they turned us on to aren't fads that will phase out faster than jelly bracelets; they're brilliant mattress moves every hot-blooded woman must add to her randy line-up."
Then the math or mat as the case may be. Quoting sex expert, Cynthia Gentry, the article says, "The name 77 refers to the way you and your partner's bodies look when they meld together ... it's similar to spooning but with a twist."
The twist is something that in my teens you did standing up - to Chubby Checker. 'Seventy Seven' was followed by 'Sunset Strip' and was a television show, not an activity, cavity or proclivity. The real disillusioning deal though is that position number 77 seems to be a way of getting people interested in a new book by Cosmopolitan named, Cosmopolitan -the Cosmo Kama Sutra: 77 Mind-Blowing Sex Positions. One review raved, "Replete with newly commissioned drawings and instructions that explain exactly how to master each move, this carnal collection is destined to be a staple on nightstands across the nation.
77 POSITIONS
"All 77 positions - from the Wanton Wheelbarrow to the Passion Pretzel to the Romp with a View - come with a 'Carnal Challenge' rating to indicate the degree of difficulty. Add to that a slew of sex tips, and you've got a torrid tour-de-force that will be as much fun to give as to receive!" Another by Julie Elkovich adds, "Some of the positions border on impossible, except for the gymnasts among us. The Lusty Leg Lift involves a complete split. The Passion Propeller not only has a ridiculous name, but a ridiculous picture to match. The move looks almost impossible and has a stamp declaring 'For Daring Dynamos Only' on the picture."
This is why, I would eschew numbers altogether. A fireman tried to spice up his sex life by having his girlfriend say the emergency number out loud whenever she needed him. And "112, 112, 112," was what she kept saying until that fateful night when she said, "113, 113, 113." Puzzled, he asked, "What the heck's that number? That's not for fire." To which she replied, "You're nowhere near the fire. What the number means is 'more hose, more hose, more hose."
Tony Deyal was last seen fingering his jelly bracelet and saying that whether 69 or 77, women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place.
