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Stabroek News

... life - I sent him home!
published: Saturday | December 17, 2005


Stephen-Claude Hyatt

Dear Rev:

I was married to a Jamaican citizen in Jamaica in July 2004. The problem is, he has two children who reside in Jamaica and one in New York. The mother of the two has been very upset ever since she found out we were getting married. I asked my husband before we were married to have a talk with her and explain that he/we would continue to support the children. But, of course he did not do this, and she became even more angry.

Well, needless to say that my honeymoon or the lack of a honeymoon was a disaster because my husband became sick the day after our wedding and everyday that we were supposed to be honeymooning. After the honeymoon and we arrived back in the States, things grew even worse. My husband was like a zombie or someone I never knew (we met in 1997). He seemed very depressed, did not want to eat because he kept complaining that his stomach always ached. He, was very moody, not affectionate, and very withdrawn.

He said he missed his children. He has been living in the U.S. for five years. Finally, in June I could no longer take it so I asked him if he wanted to go home, and he, of course, said yes. That is where he has been ever since. He has called me about three times since. Did I do the right thing?

Dear Friend:

This is a rather strange situation. I am not even sure what to tell you that would make you feel better. However, I think you may have done the right thing by allowing him to visit his children and a familiar environment.

The reality is that you cannot force someone to stay with you if he is unhappy, and it would seem that your husband was unhappy. The complaints that you describe are actually some of the symptoms of depression.

If, in fact, he is depressed, then he would need some time to deal with that depression and feel himself again. You should probably try to get in touch with him, and ascertain whether or not he has been to see a psychologist, and if he has not, you should encourage him to do so.

­ Rev.

Six months pregnant

Dear Rev:

I am six months pregnant and I already have two children. I was with a man who showed love at the beginning of the relationship.

Now things are out of hand; he lies and he's cheating. I moved away and got my own place, then he worked his way back into my place. When he moved in, things calmed down until I got pregnant. He hit me, the police got involved and he got locked up; he spent a night in jail. When he got out he did not move out but his actions made me realise he hated me. I felt pressured because he went to jail because of me;

I felt guilty, hurting, crying every night, feeling miserable. His mother was visiting from Jamaica and when she left he moved out, without informing me, leaving me six months pregnant. How could someone be so cold? I am lost, heart-broken and alone. What should I do?

Dear Friend:

I am very saddened to hear of your situation, and the fact that you were unfortunate to get involved with an insensitive man. Let me say up front that you did the right thing by calling the police on him when he hit you.

Your man is not really a man; rather, he is a weak individual who does not know how to stand up to his responsibilities.

You should feel no guilt for reporting him and having him arrested. If more women would take such a stance, more men would realise that they have to change there ways or be alone and face the law. Do not allow this man to put you on a guilt trip because of something that he did which caused him to end up in jail.

Let me suggest that you take him to court and allow the law to take action.

Might I also suggest that you find someone to talk with about how you are feeling as a result of his behaviour. A trained counsellor should help you in confronting and dealing with your feelings for this man.

­ Rev.

Email: Rev. Hyatt at tellmeaboutit2005@hotmail.com

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