Janelle Oswald, Reporter
ENGLAND:
COPING WITH sexual temptation is a daily struggle for the faithful and those 'saving themselves' for marriage.
Have you seen the film 40 Days and 40 Nights? Following a brutal breakup with his girlfriend, a young man pledges sexual abstinence for the period of Lent, but during his fast he meets an incredible woman. Suddenly, what had seemed like a stroll in the park became an impossible ascent of Everest.
With the festive season just past, there are many who - like the main character in the film - are now regretting some of the decisions made over the past two weeks.
Many of these decisions would have been of a sexual nature, prompting us to ask: Just how do people cope with the temptation?
The Voice spoke to several abstinent people to share their experiences.
CHRISTIAN
Gwen Phillips from Wembley revealed to The Voice how she had to end her 10-year relationship after becoming a Christian.
As part of her new-found life, Phillips had to sacrifice many of her 'normal' habits such as drinking, clubbing and sex. "Giving up sex was extremely hard after I got baptised because I was still in a relationship and very much in love.
"I had to decide whom I loved more ... God or my partner. Whenever we showed each other affection we would always end up in bed and when I asked him to marry me he refused, saying he did not believe in marriage, which meant I had to end our relationship.
"Since being in the church I have dated several people and had many heated moments, for which I have always asked God for forgiveness. The guilt is awful and you feel very dirty and disgusted with yourself. I decided to stop dating within the church because I was not good at controlling my sexual craving and I was beginning to gain a reputation which led to a warning of my membership."
Many other Christians have echoed the same difficulties in controlling their lust. Roza Paine from Harrow also expressed her trials in fighting temptation.
Paine told The Voice: "There are numerous male friends whom I find attractive, but I'm not prepared to live in sin. I am not going to self-abuse, fornicate or commit adultery. I'd rather stand before people with a clear conscious. However, I don't condemn others because their personal habits are between God and themselves.
"Keeping myself busy is very helpful in combating my sexual desires. I pray constantly to keep my temptations under control. I do not watch movies that have sexual activities and if a sexual scene comes on TV I turn it off. I also don't like to listen to sexual music.
PLAYING WITH FIRE
"All Christian women are sexual beings which influences their passion to get married, but they don't want to be perceived as desperate. I believe if you play with fire you will get burnt and in some situations there is no return which is why you sometimes find ashamed, pregnant women sitting in the pews."
Asked if she would self-gratify, Paine angrily replied: "I would never masturbate because I see it as a form of sin. There is no difference in having sex with yourself or with another person. They are both forms of sexual gratification outside of wedlock, therefore both are breaking the commandments."
Similar to Christianity, Muslims are also taught not to fornicate or commit adultery. It was once said that the great Prophet dealt with a sex-craved man by reasoning with him and asking him if he would approve of someone else "doing illegal sex with his mother, sister, daughter or wife."
Each time the man said 'no' the Prophet replied that the women he planned to have casual sex with could also be somebody's mother, sister, daughter or wife and with this revelation the man repented.
Stories like these have kept many Muslims away from sex before marriage. Shagufta Patel from Peterborough revealed to The Voice her struggles between her Islamic faith and her sexual hunger towards her first boy-friend. Like many Muslim girls growing up, Patel was taught that sex before marriage is a 'no go area' and, if ventured, seen as a disgrace.
"I broke my virginity in my twenties. Controlling my physical desires was very difficult at times. We often kissed and explored each other's top halve of our bodies. I did feel guilty when we finally did it but I felt the real guilt after we broke up.
"After the split, I went through a spiritual phase and I felt extremely guilty for fornicating and asked God for forgiveness. I was no longer sure if I was a good Muslim. I now understand why abstinence is advocated because there is a lot of chaos with free love.
MENTALLY PREPARED
"Although I had other sexual relationships afterwards which were not casual, I made sure that I was mentally more prepared. Sex before marriage is very hard to commit to and I don't condemn anybody who gives in but I don't believe in causal sex."
While some people abstain from sex due to religion, others chose to refrain from sex simply because they want to save themselves for that special person. Some view sex before marriage as sampling the goods before committing to it.
"If I have sex before marriage, it is quite likely I am having sex with someone else's future wife. The scary thing is that doesn't consciously bother 90 per cent of the world's population," says Jamaican-born Tony Vincent from Hackney.
Vincent is not religious but he has never experienced a sexual encounter with a woman other than the safety of kissing.
"I don't indulge in heavy petting because I am afraid that it could lead me to a place that I may regret. The person I want to lose 'it' to, is the person that I am going to marry and until I find that person I am not going to give myself to them. I view my body as a temple and if you see your body as your own home you are not going to allow just anyone to go inside."
Asked why he has chosen this path, Vincent said: "This way has chosen me. I don't want to be apart of all the STIs and unwanted pregnancies going around. I feel very proud that at 25-years of age I'm still a virgin because all my friends wish they could be one too."
Nevertheless, Vincent has admitted to The Voice that he has self-indulged. "My whole life dose not revolve around sex but when I become sexually frustrated I rub myself front-ways up and down the wall. It is not a big deal. I also sometimes call chat rooms and masturbate over the phone. It can be exciting because you don't know the other person and I haven't committed to a relationship. I also go to the gym four-times a week to release any tension I have inside my body."
Regardless of a person's individual decision to abstain from sex, the fight to resist the temptation to carnal desire remains a daily fight. Each day is a physical struggle as individuals are constantly bombarded with sexual images.
Pastor Linton Beckles from Victory International City Church in Wolverhampton offers advice to abstinent people on how to deal with sexual desire.
COUNSELLING
"I have developed various theses and counselling methods to help young people deal with no sex before marriage because it is a great concern within the church worldwide. Fornication will always be an ongoing challenge. Sex before marriage is so normal in our society and many people wonder what is the issue?
In the past the Christian church had a very traditional stance and approach to fornication: It was strictly abstinence or you go to hell.
"The church no longer throws out fornicators. People are now ministered, counselled and given guidance to overcome their weakness. The church no long preaches abstinence from the pulpit like before but now offers special classes to guide individuals. The church now evangelises with grace and passion rather than hell and condemnation," he said.
Pastor Beckles explained that "the principle behind virginity and abstinence is to do with value, which is what the church teaches. The church now takes a practical, yet spiritual and moral view on sex.
"The church educates as to why fornication is not recommended and looks at a spiritual view on human relations and intimacy between a man and woman. The church also includes the health complications on fornication.
"If a person is constantly caught up in sexual relationships, the first thing a bishop or pastor needs to investigate is why and address those issues rather then condemn the person," he said.
