Wendel Abel
Why do men abuse women, and why do some women stay in abusive relationships? Abusive relationships may take the following forms:
Emotional abuse: Threats, belittling, attempts to invalidate, emotional injury, humiliation.
Sexual abuse: Forced sex, physically attacking sexual body parts.
Economic abuse: Creating financial dependence, taking partner's money, forcing partner to ask for money.
Physical abuse: Attacking, slapping, kicking.
A man will abuse a woman for many reasons. At the heart of these relationships is the need for power and control. Other factors include stress, drug use, some men are from family backgrounds in which they have seen their fathers being abusive, the man may have a sense of inadequacy, job frustrations and sex roles issues.
Also, many men who are abusive are very jealous and insecure and have very poor communication skills. A lot of men who are abusive are very polite and passive in public, yet they may behave abusive at home.
The cycle of abusive relationships
These relationships are usually a process and follow a pattern.
The fight --- The making up phase---The tension building phase----The fight.
The abuse starts with fights, quarrels acts of intimidation and humiliation which may build up to physical encounters. After the abuse, many individuals will go through a honeymoon or making-up phase. The making-up phase may be associated with feelings of guilt, remorse, promises that it will never happen again and even intense sex. After the making-up phase, there may be a cooling-off period and this is soon followed by the building up of tension and the fights start again.
TIPS IN DEALING WITH ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS
1. Any form of abuse in a relationship is not acceptable.
2. Never blame yourself for the abuse. Often the woman is blamed for the abuse and she is sometimes made to feel that the abuse is due to something she might have said or done.
3. Seek professional help at the first signs of abuse in your relationship.
4. Do not allow yourself to become isolated from family and friends. Keep a supportive network.
5. Avoid becoming dependent in your relationship. The more dependent you are, the more vulnerable you are to abuse.
6. If your partner is not willing to seek professional help, create an exit strategy.
7. Consider your options. You do not have to remain in a relationship because of children, money, disapproval from family, loss of status or religion.
Every woman deserves to be happy and you should never accept abuse as your lot in life.
Dr. Wendel Abel is a consultant psychiatrist and senior lecturer, University of the West Indies; email: yourhealth@gleanerjm.com.
