Ivret WilliamsDear Counsellor:
YOUR ARTICLE ON 'Men hurt too' was great. Just another thought though, even our spouses who tell us to trust them and bare our hearts, use the things we say at our most vulnerable moments against us. This does not encourage future "bearing of the heart".
I remember a previous girlfriend accusing me of cheating; when I told her that it was not so; she said that even if that was not the case I will soon cheat. I wasn't cheating (wasn't even thinking about it), yet I got the same treatment as guys who were cheating on their girls.
I never lied to that girl. Yet, daily she would accuse me of all sorts of 'men' things. It turns out she was cheating with her co-worker. It is weird that women expect honesty and candour, care and affection, yet they reward the opposite. Women it seems, do not want 'men', they want 'supermen' persons who are both strong and weak, caring, romantic lovers, yet sexual beasts at the same time; strong protectors of their families, yet passive peace makers. It's not easy being male. Trust me ... I've been trying for 38 years.
Dnnis
Dear Dennis:
Thank you for your letter. You know it is not easy being male or female. Every time you think you have gotten it right, the rules change. I guess as humans we will just have to do the best that we can. I would suggest that even though you have been hurt by an unfaithful partner that you enter your next relationship with a 'clean slate'. The new person deserves that. She should not be judged or put under the microscope based on what happened in your past relationship(s). A little note of caution, make sure you are healed, before entering a new relationship.
Unwilling to
compromise
Dear Counsellor:
I was encouraged when I was reading the article on the topic, 'Comfortable being single'. I am 27 and am very much single. I am being pressured by my peers and family members about me getting married and having children. At times it is overbearing and would want to believe that it is impossible for me to live alone, but I have come to realise that I am unwilling to compromise, and that some things just don't happen overnight. As you rightly say, it's my life, I should choose the way I want to live it.
Thanks, and you continue to offer solid and sound advice.
Kereen
Dear Kereen:
There are persons who would want to put marriage at the top of Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of needs chart. This is saying that one has actualised when one has gotten married. Marriage is not for everyone. Kereen, you are still young, and I would encourage you to strive at this time, to be the best that you can be. Dream big dreams and pursue them. At the same time be mindful of those persons, male or female, who may try to abort or steal your dreams.
Ivret Williams is a counselling psychiatrist. Email her: letstalkrelationships@yahoo.com.
