Yvonnie Bailey-Davidson

Dear Counsellor,

I am married, with three grown children. My children have gone to college and have started their own families. The house is silent and I have a lot of extra time. I need something to occupy my time.

- Angela

Dear Angela,

Child rearing and parenting are pleasurable activities, and people aspire to be good parents and caregivers. There comes a time in the life cycle when the offspring are grown and the nest is empty. At this point in their lives the parents are alone at home and a new beginning is needed.

A new beginning requires that the couple develop new goals and dreams. This is a time when issues of intimacy, finances and relationship become important and togetherness looms large. A couple can grow closer together or drift apart. This second 'honeymoon' can rejuvenate the couple and they can find new meaning in the relationship. When the children are grown, the parents can now do a lot of things together as well as with others.

Couples' activities can include going to watch a play, a musical, a movie or go to a restaurant for dinner. The couple can take trips around the island or overseas to discover the wonders of a region or country. Spending time talking and reminiscing about pleasant memories is good. You can go to church together and have your daily devotion so that you both can grow spiritually. Growing old together is now one of your tasks. You can both visit the doctor or watch television together.

Individual activities

There are also individual activities that you can do. Some people like gardening and attending to the vegetable patch. Volunteering at church or in the community is a worthwhile venture as you can make your contribution to nation building and to the human race. You can also make lasting friendships and widen your social circle.

Relationships are the cornerstone of life and we should nourish them as we grow older. Some activities like arts and crafts are good to occupy your time as well as playing the games of chess and Scrabble.

Retirement - joy and sorrow

Dear Counsellor,

I am near to retirement and I am concerned about making the adjustment. I have been working since the age of 20 and the idea of not working scares me a lot.

- Yvette

Dear Yvette,

Growing old is a natural part of life and with it comes changes. In our development we go through several life changes that can be stressful. I view retirement as simply a change in our lives when we move on to something else. Some people continue working while others volunteer in the church or community.

Two things of importance as we grow older are our health and our finances. If one is unemployed, then you need to find something to occupy your time. Many people start new careers or learn a new skill. Employment provides activity, finances, friendship and togetherness. It therefore means that when you become unemployed you need to find activities to fill those needs.

Separation and adjustment

Separation from the job can be stressful and traumatic. Many people require counselling to help them to cope with the issues of separation and adjustment. Separation from the job stirs up feelings of anxiety, fear and uncertainty. The future looms ominous and the familiar shores seem distant. After a number of years we are literally tied to the job.

We need to deal with the instability. We need not fear the future as some of the familiar activities and routines will always be there. Separation from one activity requires that you find another activity to be involved in. You may have heard of separation anxiety and wondered what this is. Anytime we have to separate from something then anxiety is stirred up.

Friendships are important and should be nurtured for them to be long-lasting. It is times like these when you need your friends and families. Changes are a necessary part of life and with guidance and counselling we can cope.

Contact Dr. Yvonnie Bailey-Davidson by email at yvonniebd@hotmail.com or call 927-4824.