Marigold Harding, Contributor

Harding

Today's article is in response to one of our readers, a young professional who asked whether there were any guidelines as to when to shake hands.

Yes there are guidelines, but they are flexible and if someone is not aware of them the guidelines should be overlooked and the proper response made.

Handshaking is an ancient ritual. Today, a handshake symbolises both welcome and good faith. Handshakes are bound with the etiquette of introductions. Until recently, the polite thing to do was for the woman to extend her hand first, but this is no longer customary - especially in business. Some people have doubts on when to offer a handshake and may often fail to do so for fear of a rebuff."

The Correct way

When a man and a woman are introduced, the woman should make the first move to shake hands.

Similarly the older person of two of the same sex should be the first to make the gesture. But if someone should offer to shake hands, it would be discourteous to refuse regardless of precedence.

Adults offer their hands to children first.

The more important person or the one to whom someone is being introduced is the first to offer his or her hand.

When you do shake hands, make sure your handshake is firm, but not a paralysing grasp. A weak, flabby handshake may be interpreted as showing reluctance or affection. On the other hand, a too hearty grip is thoughtless and could be painful if the recipient is arthritic or a woman who may be wearing jewelled rings. Do not prolong the hand grip; this could be annoying and misconstrued as one wanting to be familiar.

Palm position

Make sure your handshake is palm to palm and keep your hand perpendicular to the ground. An upward palm may signal submissiveness, downward palm dominance. The two-hand shake, while it signals warmth, can seem presumptuous or insincere or too intimate when used in a first meeting.

A woman attending an, event that calls for formal attire leaves her gloves on when shaking hands, but takes them off when it is time to eat.

If you extend your hand to an able-bodied person and he or she does not respond in kind, withdraw your hand and continue the greeting. Unless there is extenuating circumstances, your behaviour is correct and the other person is quite impolite.

In some cultures, touching of hands is offensive or may be prohibited between men and women. In Islamic countries, offering your hand to a woman is considered highly offensive.

Standing distance

The distance you stand from others matter as well. North Americans and Europeans are comfortable three feet apart. Asians expect more space, Latinos expect less. Make sure you familiarise yourself with customs when travelling to other countries and what is expected in other cultures.

Since I am on the subject of body contact, I might just add a little on hugs and kisses. In a traditional business setting greetings should be less demonstrative. Business associates who have not seen each other for a long time may feel to greet each other with a kiss or a hug, bear hug or such greeting should be avoided entirely.

Kisses on the cheek are better left to social occasions. In business, men and women executive should refrain from kissing in public since even a peek on the cheek might be misconstrued unless the parties know each other very well.

Then there is the air-kiss (a way of avoiding lipstick traces and smudging make-up). This is a new fad and often looks artificial, in a business setting. To persons watching it looks insincere and to the recipient it may seem all the more artificial.

When greeting people you already know, what you do or say depends on the situation. For example a high-five is a perfectly acceptable way of greeting a peer passing down the hall, but inappropriate for clients and customers.