Melville Cooke

It must be a Tuesday thing. Or, to adapt the parlance of the streets where two is supposedly an unhappily gay number, it must be a 'Twosday' thing.

For two (there we go again) weeks running, on a 'Twosday' the Star has carried stories in which male homosexuals have taken a hiding, literally last week in the case of the Montego Bay leg of the Supreme Ventures Jamaica Carnival Blowout and figuratively in the case of a funeral at the True Vine True Holiness Church at Battersea near Mandeville. Figurative, because the already dead cannot be given a hiding.

The alleged homosexuals who went on the stage in MoBay were an alive and apparently lively bunch, though, THE STAR reported "the men were among a group of costumed dancers, gyrating in a lewd and sexually suggestive manner on-stage, during judging of the costumes. The packed Old Hospital Park erupted into a near stampede, when several patrons hurled missiles at the group, some members of which they accused of being on sex tapes that are being circulated in the city."

(So I guess there are at least two tapes, one in MoBay, one in Kingston).

Two of the alleged homosexuals' hasty departure and the legendary fleetness of their two feet was not enough to save them from a hiding, though they fled in two different directions.

(Hmm. I wonder if, in Jamaican parlance, it would be politically incorrect to say that they got a 'backsiding?')

At the funeral, THE STAR reports, "Pastor of the church Rev. Amos Campbell, was about to conclude the funeral service of a Mandeville businessman when stones and other missiles were hurdled at the church by the angry mob which objected that "no b .... man" should be 'churched' there, and the effeminate male mourners from Kingston, Montego Bay and elsewhere were barefaced and brazen in their appearances.

"Mr. Reporter, a hole heap a 'b.. man' cum yah. Dem have on ooman clothes, lipstick, fingernail polish and braid hair. Mr. Reporter, a pure war," said a female onlooker."

Gay pride

And there we have it. The homosexuals got a hiding because they came out of hiding. And not the hiding that means they stay inside the closet and hardly come outside to even eat, and hence appear to not even exist, but openly parading their homosexuality.

From what I have observed, as much as Jamaicans who are not gay about homosexuality express rage about man to man being so unjust and not knowing who to trust, it is mostly gay pride that really offends to the point of breaking into action instead of chatter. Male homosexuals are expected tobe even a little ashamed of their sexual orientation (or disorientation), to the point where they do not publicly attempt to elevate it to a position of equality with heterosexuality.

It is more than a bit of straight-up hypocrisy, actually, a situation of 'I know that you are a homosexual, you know I know, I know you know I know, but as long as we both keep up the pretence of ignorance everything is alright.' And the supposedly heterosexual (you can never be sure about anyone but yourself up to this point in your life now, can you?) bend over backwards to keep the homosexuals who they personally know in the facade of hiding and hence from a hiding. They will murmur about the tight pants, the shirts with cap sleeves, the walk that would not be out of place on a 'hottie', the hand that is angled just so in conversation, nod sagely and say "yeah man, him gone man".

But as long as they do not cross the line into openly homosexual behaviour in public, especially in a group, it will be not action, but a bag of mouth.

In the two incidents the homosexuals crossed the line from hiding into a hiding in a group setting. Gay pride is hard to ignore when there is a pride (or is it a herd, a flock, a bunch, a gaggle?) of gays. Still, whatever a group of gay men is called, when one hiding is off and the other hiding is on, it becomes a flight. A full flight.

I await next 'Twosday's' STAR with two eagle eyes.