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Stabroek News

Would you ask a man to marry you?
published: Sunday | April 29, 2007

  • I have asked! And he said ...

    Would I ask a man to marry me? Yes, I would and I have asked.

    I have never been a conformist for most things, and whichever gender is proposing, in general, was never an issue for us. I saw it as something that needed to be done; he has all the good qualities that I was looking for, he has that drive to succeed, he is my best friend and not to mention he is one sexy man.

    It was the right thing to do in my heart and I asked and he gleefully said yes. It was never a decision I regretted making, I took great pride in asking and felt great joy when he accepted, and yes I did give him a ring. It did not take away any romance from our relationship; things got even better.

    How do I know that it has not affected his masculinity? Because he tells the story very proudly of how we got engaged, and that smile at the end of the story seals that wonderful memory every time.

    What worked for me may not work for someone else. To each his own, just know your heart, know his and all the right things will follow.

    Tanya Brown

  • Allow the man to be a man

    Like most women, "Will you marry me?" is a question I anticipate hearing at some point in the future and so I've never really thought about asking it.

    Although there is no written rule that says it's a man's duty to pop the question, it has always been a male prerogative.

    I believe in allowing a man to be a man. Men are indecisive in nature and so when they want or ask for something you know they must really want it. Why deny myself that special feeling of really being wanted? And why take that special moment away from him?

    Additionally, for women who initiate the marriage proposal, the stakes are very high. For one, they pose a direct assault on a man's ego and on male-dominant values (something most men don't take lightly) and second, they face the possibility of being rejected.

    On the other hand, asking for a man's hand in marriage just might yield positive results: a good husband. So if a woman is sure about what she wants and who she wants to grow old with and has a relationship based on mutual love, respect, and trust, then why not? More power to her!

    Monique Brown, Linstead, St. Catherine

  • Will you marry me ... sir?

    I am an independent, open-minded, liberated woman and I would propose to my man.

    I don't think it's unromantic or would emasculate him. In this fast-paced working world when there is little time to be unromantic, I think couples should make the best of the time spent together.

    The selection of the day would be very important to start with (choosing a day is not very hectic), and give little hints on what may be in store for the romantic evening. I would give him a special invitation, little tease during the day, his favourite dessert delivered right after lunch, a light evening snac the expectation of the evening. Choosing the perfect setting, the meal, the wine or champagne, the music, the perfume, that cute outfit he likes or something sexy in his favourite colour. Have a waiter for the evening so we are free to talk, to dance and get intimate. When we have reached th of the evening (after talking of life together and the future), I would look him in the eyes and say, "Honey, there will be more nights like this because you're really special to me and I love you unconditionally. I want to be one with you. Will you marry me?"

    Patrice G.S. Baugh

  • A woman should be assertive

    I have my wedding plans set - date and all. The only thing I need is a man! However, it's impossible for all ladies to get married. The ratio of men to women will not cut it.

    As a teenager I said that I would never initiate an intimate relationship with a guy. Being in my 20s, this concept has changed somewhat. For it seems to me that the gentlemen I know find it difficult to express to a lady how they feel about her. And in turn find it challenging to commit or engage her.

    It's not wrong for a woman to be assertive and go for what she wants. If I find a great gentleman I'll 'hang on pon him'. The concern I have is when she actually 'pops the question'. If a woman does that, she will see how far and fast that man will run from her - not even Asafa Powell could catch up with him.

    Although a woman should be assertive, she should be very wise. For if she holds on to him too tightly by proposing marriage, she may cause the gentleman she loves to slip out of her hands or stifle.


  • Roles are changing

    The world is changing and the roles are changing.

    Why would I not make a move instead of sitting down for two, three, five years waiting for him to pop the question? This daring act could be the thing he is asking for.

    If you love a man and all is left is to ask the question, go ahead, there are only a few responses: 'Yes', 'no', 'I can't', 'I am not ready'.

    If the response is not what you're looking for, there are other chances. Don't pay the double standard any mind. Break away from the norm, choose who you want. Now, wouldn't it be an adventure? Of course, I would.

    Let's say it together, "Would you marry me?" Hmm.

    Sandy Brown,

  • What would your girlfriends say?

    I am a Jamaican who believes everything in a relationship is 50/50, but when it comes down to the THE BIG STEP, I personally think it is a MAN'S duty.

    The surprises, the hide-and-seek for that outstanding engagement ring should be planned by a male.

    If you ask a man to marry you, what would your girlfriends say?

    Would I ask a man to marry me? NO!

    Latoya Dixon,

  • He should do it

    Would I ask a man to marry me? Well, to a rational mind, the answer to this question would be a yes, but from a romantic perspective, which every woman hopes to experience at some point, it would be no.

    How would you feel as a woman to know that you have been searching for that special man, that 'Mr. Right' who would one day proclaim to the world that he loved you and would dedicate his life to making you happy and safe? A man who would sweep you off your feet with the 'big suggestion', knowing that he thought about this step in relinquishing his life of being a bachelor (not that women give up nothing) and committing himself to one woman whom he would love for the rest of his life.

    This choice is the ultimate sacrifice a man has to make for his woman. Thus, it is preferred and accepted by me that the question should come from the man and not the woman.


  • I am a modern woman, yes!

    Yes, I would definitely ask a man to marry me! Women often think and believe in the absolutely archaic school that men are the only ones who fit the profile of proposition.

    I am a modern woman. I, therefore, submit to the modern ideal that if I am truly independent as any man then it follows that I can do what any man can; including, propose to my sweetheart.

    Modern women ask the questions.

    Jodyann Golding,

  • Does it matter?

    Marriage is not a one-way thing; it takes two to make it work. If it's the man's role to propose, making the marriage work by doing the right things should be his role without a doubt.

    A man should consider a marriage proposal from a woman to be no different from his spouse asking him to allow her to do his laundry (if he really loves and cares for her and wants to be serious about the relationship). Marriage is not for old age. Men sometimes decide they want to get married when they are falling off walkers and need a free helper. The man should in no way feel the woman is trying to rip him off or to control him.

    I would ask a man to marry me; his answer would determine my next move.

    It doesn't matter who asks who anyway.

    Kamesha Simms,

  • I wouldn't!

    I am 20 years of age and would very much love to get married, but not in this fashion.

    I would not dare to do that; in fact, what if the guy wasn't even thinking about such a thing? I know that there are females who would be bold enough and would ask such a question. I wouldn't.

    Traditionally, it is the man who asks such a question but it doesn't seem to look right for a woman. I believe that the type of women who do so is older than the male partner.

    Shenniere Johnson,

  • Call me old fashioned but ...

    Call me old-fashioned, but no, I would not want to ask a man to marry me.

    That takes the romantic feeling out of it, I want to feel the suspense when he says the words: "I have something I want to ask you". And when a man says that, you kind of know what's going to come next.

    Ann Gilmore,

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