Yvonnie Bailey- Davidson

Dear Counsellor:

I enjoy reading your articles. I find the issue of the sexual behaviour of teens to be quite relevant. Some teenagers are not involved in sex. They have occupied their time with safe activities and feel quite blessed. It is unfortunate that some teenagers are involved in risky sexual behaviour.

- Mae

Dear Mae:

It is true that many teenagers are not involved in risky sexual behaviour. These teenagers have heeded the warnings of parents and health-care professionals. Early sexual activity in teenagers has put them at risk of getting AIDS, other sexually transmitted diseases, cancer of the cervix and unplanned pregnancy.

Many times, teenagers get involved in sexual activity because of pressures from others. Teenagers are seen by some people as willing participants in sexual activities. It is lack of information on the part of teenagers to be sexually active without the necessary planning and protection. Sexually active teens tend not to pay attention to their academics and do poorly in their examinations.

Teenagers must realise that they are attending school to get the necessary subjects to get training in a skill area. When they fail at school, they are unprepared for the world of work and so will have nothing to offer their children. The cycle of poverty is seen when teenagers have children whom they cannot care for and these children themselves become teen moms.

We need to mentor our teenagers and take them into companies for them to see first hand what work is about. Many teenagers are bored and unmotivated about life, and so are easily influenced by others.

Adults need to engage the teenagers in safe, empowering activities. Regardless of how they behave, teenagers need the guiding hand of interested adults. It is not easy being a teenager. Teenagers need to be taught tolerance, endurance, persistence and perseverance.

Grieving a loss

Dear Counsellor:

Ten years ago, I had a miscarriage. I have been grieving ever since. Sometimes the incident comes back to me and causes me to cry or get angry. I have been thinking that I should be over this issue by now.

- Susan

Dear Susan:

Grieving has to be seen as a lifelong process for many people. There are various stages of grieving, and people deal with them in various ways. Sometimes you will be okay, but at other times the memories will flood you and you may become emotional. Many women have had miscarriages and are silently grieving.

The pregnancies may have occurred after a period of infertility and so were considered precious with high expectations. The loss that occurs is very devastating to the couple or the mother-to-be.

Sometimes there was ambivalence about the pregnancy and when the loss happens, then the female feels guilty and full of remorse. Many people look forward to the birth of their babies with enthusiasm and pride.

Grieving our losses is a part of life that nobody wants to deal with because of the emotional pain. It will be helpful to keep a journal about your thoughts on the miscarriage. This will help you to put some closure to the issue. You will have your sad days and your happy days.

Writing a letter to your unborn child will help you to say the things you never got to tell him or her. Keeping pleasant memories alive will helpyou to cope when the sad times come. It is good to speak with a therapist about your challenges.

Email Dr. Yvonnie Bailey-Davidson at 978-8602 or 791-1778, or email yvonniebd@hotmail.com.