Q Doctor, I have seen where you have helped people whose marriages are getting a little stale, and that is the case with me and my wife.
We have been together for nearly 14 years now, and I must admit that we are both becoming slightly bored with 'the same old bedtime routine'.
So I would like to kind of 'pep things up'. I have been thinking a lot about this, doc, and one thing that keeps getting me real excited is the idea of watching my wife having sex with somebody else. It just seems to me that it would be great to see her discharge while some other guy was having intercourse with her.
I have a very good friend who likes my wife a lot, and who has always found her real attractive. I mentioned the idea to him, and he was all for it. He said that he would be happy to try and give my wife as much pleasure as possible in bed, while I watch them.
Last week, I suggested the plan to my wife. But she was not so keen. Admittedly, she said that she finds my friend real attractive, and thought he would be a good lover. Apparently, she likes his muscular body, which is in better shape than mine!
In fact, after our discussion she got quite 'turned on' by the idea of having him inside her. We went to bed and talked about my plan while we were 'fooling around'. My wife got so excited that she discharged around five times.
However, when we got up she told me that she did NOT really consider it such a good idea. She thought it could all lead to trouble.
Next day, she talked it over with a girlfriend of hers. Her friend was real shocked, and suggested to her that if I want to watch my best pal having sex with my wife, I must be 'secretly gay'.
That came as quite a shock to me. I do not think I am gay, doc. All my life, I have really liked women, and never felt any attraction to men.
But I am just very excited by the idea of watching my wife having sex with another person. I imagine that after my friend had finished, then I would kind of 'take over' and make love to my wife. So she would have the satisfaction of being penetrated by two guys in quick succession.
What do you think, doctor? Should I 'press ahead' and try and get my wife to agree to my plan?
A. I think your marriage is in some trouble - in fact, bigger trouble than you realise. It is very common for couples who have been married for more than 10 years to want to 'spice things up' by introducing another person into the marriage bed. It is also surprisingly common for husbands to get a thrill out of the idea of seeing their wives being penetrated by somebody else.
Typically, the husband is very excited by the prospect of seeing his wife discharge while some other guy is having sex with her. And I have seen a number of male patients who liked to penetrate their wives immediately after another guy had orgasmed inside her.
It is clear that, at the moment, these ideas give you a big thrill. Also, it seems that your wife is quite aroused by them - even though she is still managing to refuse to go along with your plan.
Frankly, it is real sensible of her to refuse to cooperate. Again and again, I have seen these 'threesome' situations lead to big trouble. Some of the outcomes which I have witnessed are: The wife falls in love with the other guy. The wife becomes pregnant by the other guy. The wife catches a sexually transmitted disease (STD) from the other guy.
The husband gets jealous of the other man's sexual prowess - or his size - and becomes angry or depressed. The two men fall out with each other, because they are competing for the same woman.
The tensions in the threesome lead to violence.
Admittedly, I have occasionally encountered people who managed to 'run a threesome' fairly happily over a period of years. But that is not too common.
As to the question of possible 'gayness', a psychologist colleague tells me that when a man likes seeing another guy discharge, there may be a very slight 'gay element' in his thinking. But this does not mean that he wants to have sex with the other man.
Nevertheless, I do feel that if you go ahead with your plan you are putting your marriage at great risk. I urge you NOT to do this!
There are other ways of 'spicing up' a long-term marriage, and I shall discuss them in this column at a later date. Q Is it bad for as man of 45 to try and have sex twice for the day? I manage this occasionally, but one of my friends told me that a guy 'only has a limited amount of orgasms in the body'.
He said that doing it too frequently could make me 'burn myself out'. True?
A. Your friend is mistaken. It is NOT true that men have only a limited number of orgasms in the body. You cannot 'burn yourself out'.
So, you are not going to do yourself any harm by having sex twice for the day. But as you grow older, it will become a little more difficult to do this. Q I am 39, and I stopped taking the Pill five years ago. In recent times, I have had a lot of trouble with a discharge which is like porridge. I recently went to a doctor, who took a high vaginal swab and gave me anti-yeast treatment. Later, he told me that the test had shown no infection. Can you help me?
A. Sorry to hear about this problem. It is clearly nothing to do with the Pill, since you stopped it years ago. Your story of a discharge which is 'like porridge' does suggest that there may perhaps be some infection, even though the high vaginal swab came back negative. I think you should now see a gynaecologist, who can do more extensive tests, including a swab from inside your cervix. Good luck. Q I am a male, 65 years old. I do not have any problem in getting an erection while with the opposite sex. But I do have problems maintaining that erection. Any suggestions, doc?
A. You should go to a doctor and have a complete physical check-up. In particular, the doc will want to see whether your arteries - which are tubes that carry your blood - are in good shape. He may find some medical condition that needs treatment. If not, he will probably suggest that you would be helped by one of the three drugs that improve blood flow to the penis: Cialis, Levitra and Viagra.
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