( L - R ) Linton, Davidson

POSITIVE Parenting

This is the final instalment from the soon-to-be-published book on parenting by educator Dr Faith Linton and psychologist Dr Barry Davidson.

The following guide-lines will help you to become more aware of the stages of your child's emotional development during the first four years.

I. By about age three months, your baby is beginning to:

Calm down

Sleep regularly

Respond to what he/she sees and hears

Enjoy touch

Enjoy movement (up and down, side to side).

II. Between two and seven months, your baby starts to respond to the loving attention and expressions of affection you are showing him/her by:

Smiling with you

Gazing at you with great interest

Smiling in response to the sounds and the facial expressions that you make specially for him/her benefit

Making sounds at the same time as you are cooing and babbling with her.

III. Between three and 10 months, your baby increasingly shows signs of wanting to communicate with you -

By taking the toy you hold out to him/her

By 'talking' back at you

By showing joy and pleasure when you express these emotions to him/her

By responding when you encourage him/her to be curious about the things around him, and to explore (e.g. he will reach for the attractive object you show him/her or look for the object you pretend to hide from him).

- Not only does he respond to you and your actions, he will sometimes make the first move:

You see him looking at you, expecting you to respond to something he has done

He feels happy and turns to you expecting a matching response

He needs comforting and reaches up for you to hold him

He takes an interest in your face, or some other object, touching, stroking, poking.

IV. Between nine and 18 months, your baby's behaviour becomes more and more organised and complex:

You see it in the way she plays, on her own and with others

She also examines things as if to see how they work

If she is hungry she might pull you to the fridge and even show you what she wants

If she wants to be close to you, she pulls on your leg and reaches up to be picked up.

She will go from room to room looking for you. She will go after the toy she wants.

She tries to use objects like a comb or a telephone in the proper way

She knows what you mean when you say, No, or, Stop.

She also knows how to make you laugh or get angry

She gets over her own anger more quickly than before.

V. Between 18 and 36 months, your baby begins to imitate what adults do (pretend play). She will feed her doll and put it to sleep. He will have a car or truck race. They play like this alone or with others.

They can now use blocks, etc., to make designs

They communicate with others using words as well as gestures to express needs or feelings.

VI. Between three and a half to four years, your child increasingly

Knows what is real and what isn't

Follows rules

Remains calm and focused

Feels optimistic and confident

Understands that one's beha-viour and feelings have conse-quences; for example, anger

Knows what to do or say to get close to another person

Begins to exert willpower to get what he wants, using words, pleading, whining, shouting and other emotional expressions

Can respond to limits

Can interact appropriately with adults as well as with peers.

(NOTE: The above guidelines are based on Appendix p.229 of First Feelings - Stanley Greenspan Viking).

The work by educator Dr Faith Linton and psychologist Dr Barry Davidson is soon to be published under the auspices of Family Life Ministries.