Robert Lalah, Assistant Editor-Features

A policeman checks a driver's documents along Constant Spring Road in St Andrew. - Photo by Robert Lalah

It was mid-morning on a Tuesday and taxi driver, Donovan 'Ticki Ticki' Russell, was enjoying a leisurely drive down Constant Spring Road in St Andrew, en route to pick up his babymother at Cross Roads. His favourite reggae jams were blasting from the speakers in the car and he was having a hearty conversation on his cellphone. All was well with the world; that is, until he happened upon a police checkpoint.

"Selassie I!" he hollered when a policeman stepped in front of his car. Ticki Ticki slammed on the breaks and the cellphone fell from his hands. His entire body rocked forward. "Pull the car to the side of the road. Don't block the traffic," the policeman said. He was in full uniform with blue stripes on the sides of his pants.

Ticki Ticki was peeved. "Iya, I nuh trouble nobody," he yelled, sticking his head out the window. "Just park the car. It's just a random check," the policeman responded.

Complaining while complying

Ticki Ticki complied, pulling his green station wagon to the side of the road. He was complaining all the while.

"I just deh pan a likkle movements and Babylon waan come molest I," he muttered. The policeman walked up to the car.

"Good morning," the policeman said.

"Yes I," was the reply.

"Nobody wants to molest you. Just let me see the documents for the car," the policeman said, trying to reassure the driver.

"Yes I," Ticki Ticki said and pulled some papers from the glove compartment. Ticki Ticki must have been near 50 years old and wore a green merino and a red and green tam.

All around, cars were whizzing by. It was one of those check points where members of the Island Traffic Authority were out making sure the drivers of public passenger taxis and buses had all their papers in order.

There were maybe 10 of them with about three policemen. Every time a taxi or a bus drove up, a policeman would signal to the driver to pull over and inevitably, an argument would develop.

No seat belt

Just behind Ticki Ticki, the driver of a Coaster bus was arguing with a policeman. "But a nuh long time it expire, a just last night," said the driver, who had a handkerchief on his head. "It don't matter if is last night or last week, it still expire!" the policeman retorted.

Meanwhile, the lawman who had earlier pulled over Ticki Ticki, had just informed the driver that he would be getting a ticket for not wearing a seat belt. "Ticket? Rastafari! Afta I ah go 'bout I business, I really ah go pick up a ticket? Jah know!" said an irate Ticki Ticki.

Across the road, a female member of the traffic authority was telling a male driver of a minibus that a sticker with Bob Marley's image that was on his licence plate was blocking some of the numbers and had to be removed. "Baby, yuh know mi woulda deh wid yuh," was the man's response. The woman sighed and signalled for a policeman to join them. "Cho baby, wah mek yuh a move so?" the driver muttered.

By now, Ticki Ticki had collected his ticket and the policeman had wished him a good day and walked away. I went up to Ticki Ticki and said hello. "Den wah yuh want now, boss? I done pick up a ticket already," he said. I assured the man that I wasn't a policeman. He mellowed a bit and I asked him about the ticket he just got. "Cho Iya! I just ah go pick up I dawta and now dis reach I. If I did know, I woulda tan ah I yard!" he said.

"I not even love di driving more time yuh know. Dat's why more time I trod it pan di bus. At least dat time ah nuh I response fi di ticket. Jah know Iya, I bringle!" he said.

robert.lalah@gleanerjm.com