POSITIVE Parenting

Q: I have two girls - two and one year old. The type of house we live in is a two-storey building. It can be difficult at times to go upstairs quickly to the bathroom to get the two-year-old to sit and use the potty and at the same time to keep watch over the one-year-old. In the mornings, when the two-year-old awakes, I give her something to drink and put her on the potty. But she doesn't want to sit for even 10 minutes. How can I get her to sit down on the potty seat and keep steady?

Another thing, the two-year-old has a speech delay. She sometimes says words but most times she babbles. I don't want to accuse or assume anything, but a couple times when her father is around, she would run to him (like normal children run to parents). Most of the time, if he is busy and tells her he can't play with her, and if she won't leave him, he would beat her or shout at her.

I have caught him already on numerous occasions hitting her in her head, her tummy and her back. Could these 'blows' have affected her speech in any way? I am about to get the police involved in this situation because, to me, that is abuse of the child (no matter how busy he is). I notice the only way she listens and keeps quiet is when he shouts at her. He calls that respect.

The simplest thing he just beats and shouts at her. He doesn't even want them to go to a day-care centre so I can go to work, or to allow the girls to be acquainted with other children - not even in my family. His mother is a professional and she is always making excuses that when he was a child he was never exposed to other children. Please advise me further.

A: This is a very serious situation. According to what you have stated, your daughter's father is abusing her and what you have described must have definitely affected her physically and emotionally. Regarding your daughter's potty training, it is not going to be easy while she is in this abusive situation. It may help if there is an area downstairs that is private where you can place a potty so she can get to it quickly as going upstairs seems only to add to the distress she is experiencing.

Also, quickly take her to a paediatrician to see if she is physically okay and if her speech is appropriate for her age. Is there anyone that your partner will listen to? If so, ask the person to come in and talk with both of you about the problems you are experiencing.

If he does not agree to get help then you must make a decision that should be in the best interest of your children and yourself. I am also very concerned about you and your mental health and what may happen to the one-year-old child. Please ensure that you receive counselling to cope with this abusive situation you have experienced.

Psychologist, psychiatrist, counsellor, what's the difference?

Q: I notice you refer people to a psychologist a lot. What is the difference between a psychologist, a psychiatrist and a counsellor?

A: A psychologist is an expert in psychology which is the investigation of the mind. The two major categories of psychologists are those who conduct scientific research and those who work in an applied psychology area.

Applied psychologists are further subdivided into a number of mental health and other professions, the most well-recognised being clinical and counselling psychologists. Doctoral-level trained psychologists are also the experts in the provision/administration and interpretation of psychological tests and assessment.

A psychiatrist is a medical doctor who specialises in treating mental disorders. A counsellor in mental health is a professionally-trained person who provides services for people who are in need of help with emotional and behavioural issues. There are counsellors who are school counsellors, career counsellors or rehabilitation counsellors. They are not usually trained to test persons with mental health problems. They are not trained to prescribe medicine.

Having attention-span problems with her grandnephew

Q: With reference to the subject of attention span, in The Gleaner on August 4, I do share the same problem with a grandnephew in my care. I try to convince him of the importance of being able to read well especially, but I just cannot get him to settle down. However, I have made an application to CARE Mico but I have been told there is a long waiting list. Is there somewhere else you could refer me to?

A: It is always encouraging to hear from a parent who sees the importance of a child learning to read. There are counsellors, special educators and psychologists who can give you the help you need.

There are other places where you can get your child tested. You can call Gateway Medical Centre in Mandeville at 962-5292 and you will get the information you need.