Paul H. Williams, Gleaner Writer

After a childhood of hardship and suffering, Jermaine, the unwanted product of an alleged rape, left his relatives' home in Balaclava, St Elizabeth, at age 17, to join his mother in Seaview Gardens, St Andrew. There, the seed of anger, deeply embedded in his brain, finally germinated and grew into a tree of bitterness and hatred for his parents, spreading its rebellious branches over Seaview Gardens in St Andrew and beyond.

It was also back to school for him, 'Roadside University', where he majored in shooting, robbery, gun-making and other related courses. And he was taught well. Jermaine: "I used to sell some things and some youths take them away, so some bad youths used to defend me. I start to spar with them and start to do what they were doing."

Upon 'graduation', he got his own gun. Now, the unloved Jermaine felt "protected" and belonged. In his own home, the conflict between him and his mother raged. There were frequent fights, verbal and physical. He was thrown out a few times, but found solace in his company of wrongdoers.

Jermaine: "The bigger man them carry gun and put it in mi hand. Mi feel it and it feel nice, mi feel powerful ... them show mi how to use it ... Wi use to make gun too ... them show mi the ropes, how to deal with the thing."

Now, the owner of a gun, at age 19, he and two of his cronies planned his first robbery, but it was foregone for a "bigger one" to take place in Clarendon. For protection and success, they went to a "wrap-head woman", who gave them some powder. But the more they used the powder the longer they took to execute the robbery. Something always came up.

Steal, kill and destroy

And they continued to rub. As soon as the powder was finished, they headed to Clarendon to rob a butcher, and perhaps to kill him.

Jermaine: "The Bible says the thief come to steal, kill and destroy, everything would be involved because no thief wants no one to identify them or put up any resistance, anything could have happened."

They reached the butcher's premises before dawn, cut his telephone wire, and waited for him to exit his house. They waited, and waited, and waited, until the sun appeared, hot and bright. They lingered still for a while, hoping that fate would turn out in their favour. It didn't, and frustration set in. The farmer's coming was not to be.

Having realised that there would be no robbery, one of the partners in crime caught a bus, back to the Corporate Area. Jermaine was adamant that he would not go back empty-handed, having gone thus far. So, he and the other lurked in the area waiting to see what they could steal.

Then came a young man, with not a care in the world, merrily riding down the road; life in the countryside is nice and safe. Until from the bushes, the two hoodlums from the city appeared. They startled him, demanding his bicycle, with brandished guns. In fear, he gave up the bicycle and scampered away.

Jermaine: "Mi friend ride away the bicycle. I did hide my gun under a little bush. I walk away to look for my friend. When I see him we turn back to look for my gun, and wi laugh after the incident, because to how the youth react we start to laugh at him." But who would have the last laugh?

The young man allerted the police and raised an alarm in the community. The police spotted the thieves and gave chase, firing several shots at them. Jermaine and his friend separated. Not knowing the community well, Jermaine ran right into an ambush and was nabbed.

Justice

The citizens brought him to a spot where they intended to serve 'justice'. They sent for machetes and enforcement. Luckily, the police arrived just in time to save Jermaine. His friend was also captured.

Subsequently charged with unlawful possession of firearm and robbery with aggravation, they were brought to court and remanded several times. Jermaine eventually pleaded guilty "with explanation", and was given a suspended sentence. One of the stipulations of the probation was that he return to St Elizabeth to live with his relatives - from whom he escaped - for a three-year probationary period.

Not having anything to do, the hills around Balaclava became his refuge, where he spent his days alone smoking and singing a tune or two until one memorable day. "While I was there doing all of that mi heard the voice of God say you need to baptise, while I was there meditating."

At that time he was illiterate, having learned the alphabet when he was 18. "Two days after I gave my life to God, and I began to read, just like that, just take up the Bible and gather my cousins, start keep church, start read out of the Bible, preaching to them," he recalled.

He decided to get baptised, but no one was convinced he was a changed young man. Church was now his destination, but he would return sometimes to find his grandmother's door locked. It was when he finally got baptised that their attitude towards him changed.

The probation ended, but living in the country was not an option. The youth who left Seaview Gardens a gunman was back a Christian. He went around the community selling bread and miscellaneous items, but his transformation did not stop the tension between him and his mother.

The mutual resentment that existed between them was now personified, a third party it was, feeding on hatred, bitterness, blame, regrets, longing, shame and a decades-old secret. He has since forgiven his mother for "the bad things" he claimed she made happen to him, but she is yet to fully embrace him. That is now what he desired most in his life.

And it has been a very rocky life, but determined to make it better, Jermaine enrolled in Bible school and has recently completed his studies.

Actively involved in church

Now actively involved in church, he preaches the gospel all over the Corporate Area, even holding an annual gospel concert in his community.

Jermaine: "Comparing the life I use to live before I became a Christian with the one I am living now as a Christian, I get to understand that God really works wonders, and he always grants us uncommon favours, and God is always working some miracles for us. I prove God for myself and I know God for myself ... There is no good thing in living a gunman life, a rapist life or a murderer life."

paul.williams@gleanerjm.com