Petrina Francis, Staff Reporter
Some men get cold feet and are afraid to take the 'plunge' into marriage because of commitment issues.
If a man is brave enough to do so, his friends' remarks are usually negative. The words they use are 'he has taken the plunge', 'hanged himself', 'given away his life', among others.
Saturday Life on Thursday night solicited four men's views on marriage, which were pretty similar.
"Right now I would only get married for opportunities," Leroy McDougal tells Saturday Life.
He continues: "Women always have some way of ticking you off and I don't know why, when they get the ring they change."
Prefers common-law unions
McDougal, who turned 31 recently, says he prefers common-law unions, which give him the flexibility to walk out at any time, no strings attached.
"Marriage is a dangerous thing, and if she does not sign (the divorce), it seems like you are tied up for the rest of your life," he says.
Frank Cunningham says he has been living with his partner for six years. They have a child together but he sees no reason why he should go to the altar.
"If she wants a ring, I will just buy her one," he tells Saturday Life.
"Marriage is a joke thing. We live and we learn and have seen so many marriages fail, so I don't want to go down that road," Cunningham says.
He notes that he will continue to cohabit with his common-law companion because women tend to change when they 'get the ring'.
Not ready to commit
Derron Grant says he is terrified of getting married because he's not ready to commit to one woman for the rest of his life.
"I am scared to get married because I see a lot of marriages break up and I am also scared of commitment at this time," Grant explains.
Marlon Wright wants to get hitched, but not right now. His partner wants an extravagant wedding but he is the reserved type, shying away from the big church show.
"I would want to get married but I am shy and I worry about what people think," he relates.
"I am a thug and I don't want people to see the soft side of me," the 25-year-old says.
He says based on his interaction with his male friends, most don't want to get married because they are just not ready to be committed.
"Marriage is a more humble lifestyle and some people are not ready for that. When you get married, two become one and you have to stop thinking about me and think about us.
"That is a difficult road to walk and that's why most of the men do not want to go there," Wright tells Saturday Life.
How to know if it is time to get married
It is time to get married when you:
Feel a strong chemistry and attraction to your potential mate. In addition to being drawn to him/her as a human being and friend, you must be sexually attracted to the person. This is not being shallow; it fulfils a basic human need that contributes largely to our happiness. It's an element that simply must be there to support a loving marriage. Realise you genuinely like the other person. It may sound obvious, but many couples justify long-term relationships though they constantly get on each other's nerves. Realise that a relationship with these types of irritations isn't likely to change. Feel that you've truly spent time getting to know who the other person really is. Rather than basing this on a calendar time, make the decision on the quality and depth of your conversations and experiences with the other person in the time you've got to know them. Understand each other's spiritual side. Never underestimate this. A belief that God should be the centre of your relationship can only be supported fully if your potential partner agrees. Make this a priority to discuss; it affects your lifestyle and your future family, should you decide to have one. Even beliefs that are agnostic or atheistic should be discussed to ensure you are in agreement regarding your core beliefs. Know inside that you're ready for marriage, the commitment it holds, and that you're ready to marry this person. When this feeling arises and gives you confidence, security and happiness in your relationship with this person, you should feel great knowing you've been given a gift that few appreciate.Source: ehow.com
