Jennifer Keane-Dawes, Gleaner Writer
Me dear mam,
When Massa God seh a Merry heart does good, like medicine. But a broken spirit dries the bones (Proverbs 17:22) a true wud. For me dear mam, God bless me fahda soul. For him used to teach me seh a nuh everyting we fe tek serious. We fe learn fe laff. Suh, fram me a pickney till now, me bin skinning me teet.
For while me granny Adventist parson a insist fe we repeat bline oath gainst pigstail. Weh nuh do we nutten. Except cook dung wid dumpling an yam inna we madda gungo soup. An meanwhile him a warn we bout we fe learn fe seh get dee hence behine me Satan for hog a demon, him plate a teet mad fe kin pupa lick outta him mout.
Plus, as pickney, we used to skin teet offa everyting. Fram Ministry of Education visita wid boogoo inna him nose. To de whole class a we weh haffi kibba we nose. For somebaddy mek a funny soun an we believe a teacha.
But me dear mam, since me get older an hab sense, me know fe stop laff offa people an laff offa meself instead. For missis, when it come on to me an motor vehicle, me coulda write a book bout de heap a foolishness weh me do. For de fuss day me get me licence an a drive at 25 miles an hour in a peak hour over Causeway Bridge fe reach home, a policeman stop me an tell me fe either drive up or draw oneside an gi de people dem pass. Plus, me nuh memba if me did tell yu, but once upon a time, me had was to go to me cousin funeral a Dovecot.
An no space neva deh except which part me fe parallel park between two car. Suh me dear mam, suh de parson a read, a suh me an de car deh pon one piece a twiss. An suh de parson done read an sankey start sing, a suh me deh pon one piece a twiss an come back roun.
fahda spring outta de crowd
Till, when prayaz done an me deh pon bout de thirteenth a head fe de fourteenth twiss, me fahda spring outta de crowd, bark offa me, an tell me fe cum outta de car. For it look like a out me out fe drive de car eena de man grave pon him. But when him ketch home de night, my pupa laff till him nayly dead.
Not fe mention de time when me fallah him inna him car ga post hawfice fe him pension. An fasten him two back wheel inna one gully. Claim seh me a reverse an a spin roun de car fe him till him come back. Missis, me wouldnt even badda tell yu de uncomplimentary statement him holler offa me wid de lilly pension cheque inna him han. But when him ketch home de night him laff till him nayly dead.
Well missis, de other day me had was fe laff offa meself again. For missis, de jalopy weh me hab is a car me love to me heart. But when it nayly shut off a road wid me an de dealership people had was fe explain seh a automatic car wid one heap a gear. An a de wrong one me did eena pon government highway eena me suit an darkers. Me laff offa meself till a nayly dead.
But me dear mam, me might nuh know all a de gear dem inna de car, but me know de main gear fe life. An dat is, drive forward. Nuh reverse. An do, nuh tek life too serious. Learn fe laff.
De jalopy weh me hab is a car me love to me heart. But when it nayly shut off a road wid me an de dealership people had was fe explain seh a automatic car wid one heap a gear. - file
Dr Jennifer Keane-Dawes has been appointed Interim Dean of the School of Graduate Studies at the University of Maryland Eastern Shore, a constituent institution of the University of Maryland System. Send your email to: firstname.lastname@example.org.