Avia Collinder, Gleaner Writer

POSITIVE Parenting

Many Jamaicans do not manage their emotions very well and this has consequences for their roles as parents and also impacts other relationships.

This, according to Janilee Abrikian, general manager of the Peace and Love in Society (PALS) which has developed a training programme for Jamaica Constabulary Force school resource officers. Abrikian states that managing emotions is an important skill which is needed both at home and in the workplace.

The curriculum developed by PALS for the training of police for the positions of school resource officers (SROs) was designed around the concepts of the role of the SRO as conflict manager, problem solver, peace keeper, community builder, enforcer socialisation agent and facilitator of change.

Identifying conflict

As a first step towards conflict management, individual officers had to learn to identify and manage their own emotions.

According to Abrikian, "Managing one's emotions is a process which involves something as basic as learning to name your feelings. Also, if we know what others are feeling, again, we will be better able to relate to others. We spend a lot of time teaching how to listen to feelings."

The policemen and women were also introduced to the management of anger. "Very often the underlying feelings - hurt and frustration - go hand in hand with anger. Emotions also drive negative behaviour. Emotions which are more and more negative escalate conflict. The more you are able to identify conflict, the better able you are to manage it. Conflict in and of itself is not negative. It just needs to be managed," Abrikian noted.

Forgiving and forgetting

At the end of training, one police officer said:

"I think I learnt about forgiving and forgetting. Being on this course brought back memories of my childhood when I was very angry and hated everyone. I am now learning to control my anger."

Another said, "There can be no winner in a violent confrontation, hence it does not work ... it is not an effective way to get things done because someone always end up being hurt." He sees "poor educational development, socialisation and political tribalisation" as "contributing overwhelmingly to violence in our society".

Others said that they wanted to:

"Accept my wife's opinion and views."

"Change the way I deal with my own conflicts."

"Raise my voice a lot less."

Listening more

Abrikian notes, "As a culture, the expression we often use is, 'Mi feel a way', which does not express the feeling one is experiencing, which could be anger, frustration, rejection, betrayal; joy, contentment, satisfaction. Once we can name specific emotions, we begin to make progress in managing feelings. Do not take for granted that other people know what you are feeling."

Individual police concluded that they needed to change some things:

" I need to listen more in my relationship."

"My approach on the way I deal with my family matters."

"I will definitely change the way I express myself to other people."

"To ensure eye contact."

"To listen more to someone when they are talking to me."

"I believe I could really listen some more."

"To be more tolerant in understanding why persons behave in a certain manner."

"Listen more and talk less."

Abrikian notes that choice is another fundamental concept in emotional management and conflict resolution.

"We can choose to interpret a situation negatively and everything will go negative in terms of related actions and their outcomes. Or, we may choose to apply management skills which includes understanding the role of perception, communication, respect and our socialisation."

Sometimes, forgiveness is another step that needs to come into play when dealing with our anger.

"For you to be able to move forward, sometimes forgiveness is necessary," the PALS general manager noted.

Next week: The conflict cycle and those fouls.

No fighting - Controlling those emotions

Managing emotions is a key strategy in dealing with everyday conflict. Before you learn to manage your emotions, you will first have to name what they are. According to the Peace and Love in Society training manual, families of emotions include anger, sadness, fear, enjoyment, love, surprise, shame and disgust.

Anger includes feelings of fury, outrage, resentment, wrath, exasperation, indignation, vexation, animosity, annoyance and even hatred and violence.

Sadness is caused by grief, sorrow, cheerlessness, gloom, melancholy self-pity, loneliness, dejection, despair and may be accompanied by depression.

Fear includes anxiety, apprehension, nervousness, consternation, misgiving, wariness, qualms, edginess, dread, fright and terror.

The emotion of enjoyment encompasses the feelings of happiness, joy, bliss, delight, satisfaction, pleasure, thrills, pride and ecstasy.

Love includes acceptance, friendliness, trust, kindness, adoration, infatuation and agape or godly love.

The emotion of surprise includes shock, astonishment, amazement and wonder.