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DOCTOR'S ADVICE: My husband has plans for an orgy

Published:Sunday | April 11, 2010 | 12:00 AM

Q I am a female Gleaner reader living in Miami, and my husband is Latin American. He wants me to take part in an orgy.

Doc, I am not too happy about this. I am scared. To be honest, I am not sure what it would involve. I have not had a lot of experience in sex, and I was a virgin when I got married to my husband five years ago. I have never been unfaithful to him. Unfortunately he has a bit of a wandering eye, and I think he has had a couple of affairs in the last year. So he is not as strict, sexually, as I am.

He is more or less organising this sex orgy thing because he says it will be great for our business. As far as I can make out, he is planning to invite around 10 couples to our home.

What exactly would it involve? And would there be any health dangers for me? And is it illegal?

A I have changed one or two details of your story so that you will not be recognised. Holding sex orgies is not illegal under Florida state law, unless your husband made the mistake of charging people money to attend. In that case, he could be prosecuted under anti-prostitution or anti-vice laws.

However, holding this orgy is a dumb idea. You indicate that you are unsure of what would happen. Well, it is almost certain that you would be expected to have intercourse with any of the men who wanted to do it with you. I imagine that would mean most of them, though I understand that at these orgies there are usually some guys who cannot make it.

It is likely that you would also be required to engage in lesbian-style encounters, probably as a sort of show to excite the men who are watching.

Now I expect it will have occurred to you that having sex with a lot of guys would put you at considerable risk of pregnancy, unless, of course, you are on the pill, or using some other reliable method of contraception. But have you and your husband considered the very real risks of sexually transmitted infection (STI)?

You see, a Florida doctor tells me that in Miami, as many as 20 per cent of younger sexually active people are carrying the bug called chlamydia.

So if you have sex with around 10 guys, plus some women as well, it seems highly likely that you, too, might catch chlamydia. That is a serious matter, since the germ can damage your Fallopian tubes, and cause long-term ill health and sterility. In addition, there is the very real risk of HIV, the virus which causes AIDS. Make no mistake, it is possible to catch this virus through heterosexual intercourse! If just one of these guys has it, he could infect you, and also any other woman he has sex with at this party.

Summing up, I think you would be crazy to agree to your husband's plan. In view of the fact that he wants to involve you in this kind of wildly promiscuous activity, my guess is that the future for your marriage is not too good, especially as he seems to have had affairs in the recent past.

So I suggest that you try and interest him in going to a relationship counsellor together to try to put your marriage on a more stable footing.

QMy wife, who is now 44, has been prescribed some vaginal cream by her doctor. But a friend told me that this could affect me! Is that true, Doc?

A Well, there is some truth in what your friend says. However, if the cream just contains a lubricant or an antibiotic, it will NOT affect you in any way.

But if the cream contains a female hormone, there is a chance that you might absorb that hormone while having sex with your wife. Amazing as it sounds, there have been cases in which a guy has developed small breasts as a result of absorbing such a hormone.

Fortunately, it is quite easy to prevent this from happening. Just ask your wife NOT to insert the hormone cream on a day when the two of you expect to have sex.

Q I am female, aged 35. Doc, I have just been diagnosed with endometriosis. A friend told me that it is incurable. Is that true?

A No, it isn't true. Endometriosis is an extremely common female condition in which little pieces of womb lining develop in the wrong place.

Each month, these small pieces of lining try to menstruate. The result is intense pain. Other symptoms may include painful intercourse and menstrual irregularities.

Fortunately, these days, endometriosis can be greatly helped by pills or injections, and also by operation, including laser surgery. Generally, what the surgeon specialist does is to cut away the troublesome pieces.

Also, it is important to realise that there is a definite tendency for endometriosis to burn itself out when you reach menopause. So the outlook for you is pretty good.

QI have always regarded myself as a normal heterosexual guy, and I have been married for 20 years.

But while on a business trip abroad some months ago, I somehow managed to have a brief sexual encounter with another guy. It must have been because I had had too much to drink. Should I get tested for VD?

A Yes, you definitely should. It would also be wise to have a test for HIV.

I presume that you have had sex with your wife since you got back. Depending on the results of the investigations, you may need to ask her to undergo testing as well.

Q I have just developed a bulge on the right side of my groin. Could this be a hernia? Or maybe a rupture? And is it caused from sex, Doctor?

A The commonest cause of a bulge in the groin is hernia. Hernia is the same thing as a rupture. It just means a swelling caused from a weakness in the wall of the belly. It is not caused by sex.

You must see a doc who can examine you and confirm the diagnosis. You will almost certainly need to take a little operation to cure the condition.

QMy husband is in England, and he has written to me to say that he plans to have a vasectomy. When he gets home, will we still be able to have sex?

A Certainly. The vasectomy operation makes guys sterile, but generally it should not affect their ability to have sex.

I am a little puzzled as to why he wants to take this operation when he is thousands of miles away from you. I suggest that you write and ask him. However, maybe it is just that in England vasectomy operations are inexpensive and easy to obtain.

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