Dear God, is me, Bruce
Carolyn Cooper, Contributor
NO BOTHER mek mi get ignorant, yaa, Maasa. How yu mean, "Which Bruce?" Is how much 'Bruce' yu know so, a bawl to yu morning, noon an night a beg fi deliverance? Cho, man, no treat mi so bad. Mi cyaan tek di crosses. Tongue cannot tell. Di people dem all bout dis a wash dem mout pon mi. Yu no see di joke dem pon di Internet? Dem have one wid Hitler a gwaan like seh im a mi. Wat a liberty! Yu fi hear di breed a ting dem im a seh bout Tivoli. Mi shame so til. An yu a go tun pon mi to?
No, Maasa God, dat no right. Look how mi a sing all a di Sankey dem inna mi hymn book, an yu a go gwaan like seh yu no know mi! Yu cyaan do mi dat. A nuff promise yu mek, yu know, Maasa God. Come to tink of it, yu woulda mek a good-good politician. Yu no member dem ya lyrics: "Doah your sins be as scarlet dey shall be as white as snow." A yu seh so. Mi wife go church every week an she tell mi weh parson seh. Mi did see di whole heap a placard dem bout 'truth.' But dat is a nex story.
Puss an dog don't have di same luck. Mi come to yu wid mi scarlet sin dem an yu a gwaan like seh yu no know mi! By di way, mi always wonder if white sin better dan red sin. But mi no have no time fi deal wid dem deh high-class philosophy. Mi ha fi lef dat fi Ossie Harding. Im have PhD inna philosophy. Right now, mi just want deliverance. Mi no business wid colour: red, white, green, orange, mi no kya. Just tek weh di sin dem.
Den, one nex ting a bother mi. Yu mean to seh yu really couldn't did tell mi seh a so di prime minister work hard? Yu well wicked to mi. All di time mi a dead fi get di work, mi never know seh a kill-dead work! Leader a di JLP, dat a no notn. A pure 'yes' man an oman inna di party. Yu tell dem, 'don't sign' an dem don't sign. Yu tell dem 'sign' an dem sign. Mi wink an tell dem seh mi a go resign. Dem ketch di rake an tell mi seh mi cyaan resign. So mi can manage dem.
A di prime minister work a breed mi. Mi never know seh Jamaica people so wicked. Dem know how di politics runnings go an dem a gwaan like seh mi must an bound fi have more integrity dan dem odder one dem. Through mi did mek so much promise inna di election. Dem done know seh mout mek fi chat. An dem want hold mi to mi election promise? How dem so unconscionable?
Look how much tings PNP govament do an yu no hear gun fire bout it. An a mi one dem want fi stand up fi principle. Mek dem gweh! Tek for instance a big ting like proteck di environment. Look how PJ sidong mek whole heap a house build up pon top a Long Mountain. Everybody know seh no house not suppose fi build up deh so. Dat deh mountain top fi stay natural. A part a di water system fi di whole a Kingston. John Maxwell write bout it til im finger peel. Nobody no tek im on.
Di fool-fool people dem inna Beverly Hills no stand up fi dem rights. PJ dis gwaan do weh im ha fi do an spoil up dem business. Dead-end turn inna thoroughfare. An it look like nuff more so-call 'development' weh PNP start pon Long Mountain still a go through. An a mi dem want fi come clean up PNP mess?
Di board-head gyal
Anyhow, mi do ha fi tek some a di blame fi di prime minister judgment weh drop down pon mi. A bright mi did bright. Bible seh, "Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall." But, Maasa God, see wid mi. Hear how mi fall inna di prime minister pit.
Mi seh to miself, "If di board-head, dunce-bat gyal coulda be prime minister, den mi no must coulda manage di work?" After all. Mi go a brand-name high school: Jamaica College. Mi learn how fi debate wid worthy opponents. Yu no see how everybody did seh mi did win di election debate. But mi ha fi admit seh her answer bout Chavez was a boss answer. She seh di issue was foreign policy - not Chavez.
Den mi go a brand-name university. Mi no go a no university fi stone dog. Pon top a dat, look how long mi did deh inna training wid di maximum leader, Edward Seaga. Mi learn everyting mi know bout politics from him. An yu see how im a gwaan like im better dan me. Im go pon TV an im shub mi under di bus an im back-back over mi. But see, mi resurrect like Jesus. Time longer dan rope. Wid im crocodile tears. Mi lef im to yu, Maasa God.
Last ting. Yu really mean to seh yu naa help mi find Rhygin? Yu see an yu know everyting. Yu know weh im deh. Why yu a mek police go a wrong house an kill off innocent people? Dat no right, yu know, God. Yu suppose fi just reveal di man location an mek it easy fi wi find im. But den again, wat if im a pray to yu same time fi wi no find im? Dat a fi yu problem. Mi just want yu answer fi mi prayers: deliver mi from disya judgment. Amen.
Carolyn Cooper is a public intellectual, specialising in cultural enterprise management. She is the founder and director of the Global Reggae Studies Centre, a private-sector initiative.