Flair

Contributor, by D-Empress

Recently, a young woman named Xoli and I sat talking about womanhood, a subject close to my heart as regular readers will know.

As we mused about the vagaries of modern womanhood in all its various forms, she returned to the same point a few times.

''We know African women are strong, but how do we keep strong when we're so stressed and so busy?'' Her words still ring in my ears because, beneath the rallying call, what I was really hearing was that the 'strong' mantle that women carry is possibly too heavy to bear. As we passionately exchanged views on womanhood, I probed further and asked Xoli what 'being strong' meant in her world. Long story short, she was reflecting her views on female role models who have shaped her view and expression of womanhood in the 'strong' frame.

Make no mistake, strong for Xoli combined notions of resilience, leadership, accomplishment and a host of other good things. Somewhere buried beneath her skin, I sensed punishment, hard work and sheer exhaustion were also rolled up in 'being strong'.

Nonetheless, Xoli is convinced strong should be front and centre for women. My mind flashed back to my last column where I asked a similar question - whether our 'strong woman' title as exemplified by so many women around us (African, Caribbean, Diaspora, you name it) - was a gauntlet we may think twice about picking up.

Maximum respect

Of course we give maximum respect to our foremothers who stood up and resisted systematic cultural, social and emotional annihilation as they withstood untold pain. They stood strong. We don't have to deal with half of what they went through but we still yearn to 'be strong'? Why? As we journey through our complex, modern world where we seek expression as fully rounded women, I for one, am inspired to choose a life where being strong is a by-product of a range of womanly characteristics and a value-add as opposed to a must-be default mode for survival.

Forgive me for harping on about this but I'm not convinced that being strong is a characteristic that best suits our chameleon nature in our contemporary experience.

Matriarchs

Ask the matriarchs themselves; I have. What I heard from the 60 somethings, was that given a second innings, they would rather not have to bear the 'strong woman' tag. Instead, they would choose vulnerability and a world where they didn't feel duty bound to be strong all the time. My dear matriarchs also readily admitted that whilst there was a certain necessity to be strong at times, on reflection it may not have been necessary all the time. However, the default mode of being strong also gave them a sense of purpose and validation. Meanwhile, the self-created burden nearly broke their backs - literally.

Last week, I received a comment from a reader who bemoaned the fact that I was dangling carrots about matriarchal teachings but not going far enough to share. The reader (Jojo) wanted details of the nuggets of the African matriarchal indigenous knowledge systems that I've been privileged to share over the past decade.

I hear you! So, for the next few weeks, we'll look at the universal truths of the matriarchal teachings and explore the 'be strong' myth. Buckle up! The journey to ease may be bumpier than you think.

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