Tricked by the 'coconut man' - Thelwell takes takes Lalah for a ride in Ipswich

All I was trying to do was purchase one measly coconut and be on my way, but Thelwell the vendor had other plans.

Now, let me first of all explain how I arrived in the company of the coconut vendor in the first place. I was in the very quiet, out-of-the-way community called Ipswich in St Elizabeth recently. If you've never heard of the place, don't be too hard on yourself - many people haven't. The older folks, though, may know Ipswich quite well, since it was once, I'm told, a booming stop on the railway route between Kingston and St James. Today, though, Ipswich is little more than just another sparsely populated rural community with only shells remaining of buildings that were once hot spots of activity.

Now to Thelwell, who I've since been told is not a resident of the area, but a hanger-on who has recently started frequenting Ipswich. Now Thelwell doesn't have the best reputation, having been accused of being something of a conman, who is always seeking to use his head on strangers to manipulate them out of a few dollars. Some people in Ipswich have even started calling him Bredda Anancy, after the fabled spider. Of course, I knew none of this when I came across the gangly fellow standing near the old railway station in the community recently.

He seemed harmless enough, wearing a T-shirt with a picture of Nelson Mandela on the front. He also had a wide smile that exposed very few teeth. He might have been close to 50 years old.

"Sell yuh a jelly, boss?" he asked as I approached. Having visited the community with a plan to get to know the people, I decided that purchasing a coconut from the local vendor was the way to go. Besides, there was nary another soul in sight, and I had been there for close to an hour.

So I agreed to the purchase and the man held out his hand for payment. I thought this was a bit odd, and asked him where the coconuts were. "Dem deh pon di tree deh so," he said, pointing up to a tall coconut tree behind him. I gave him a look of curiosity.

"Mi nuh have mi cart wid me, but is my tree dem and me was about to climb di tree when mi see yuh," he said, smiling. I asked him what was the cost.

"Just a $50 man," said Thelwell. Now, I did in fact think it strange he was asking for payment even before I had the coconut in hand, but since it wasn't a lot of money and I was hoping to get him to tell me about Ipswich, I decided to go ahead and hand him the money.

As he walked over to the tree, I followed and struck up a conversation about the community. I mentioned how deserted the place seemed.

"Yes man, mi frighten when mi actually see yuh, because we nuh really get stranger around here," he said. "Ipswich only have a few farmer and fisherman and some craftsman but, outside ah dat, yuh nuh really have any factory or business place around here. Dat's why now like when mi see yuh mi happy, because at least yuh support mi wid di coconut," said Thelwell.

I felt quite proud at that moment about my gesture of good faith in the man and, as he started climbing the tree, I took a few steps back and looked around. At this point, my back was turned to the tree.

As I looked around at the old, long-deserted buildings and the trees, it dawned on me how beautiful the place was. I imagined all the activity that used to take place there and the crowds that must have typified the area back in the community's heyday.

"The place is still very nice, though," I shouted up to Thelwell without looking around. There was no response. "It must have been even nicer in the old days," I said. Still no response, only a slight rustle of the leaves. I turned around to look up at the tree, assuming that, by now, Thelwell must have retrieved my already-paid-for coconut.

It was in that moment that I realised that, as embarrassing as it was, I had fallen victim to skulduggery masterminded by a nitwit. The cunning Thelwell had disappeared. I don't know exactly how he did it, but I assume that he jumped out of the tree and ran off as soon as I had turned my back. If I was a cartoon, I would have morphed into a donkey in that moment to exemplify how I felt.

So there I stood, alone with no coconut and with $50 less than I had started the day with. Not the best trip out of town I've ever had, but somehow and at some point when he least expects it, Thelwell will be made to atone for his vile indiscretions against me. Or, at the very least, will have to fork over the $50 he tricked me out of.

robert.lalah@gleanerjm.com