Bikini issues

I've got to admit, even before I started actively writing for Flair, there was always one issue that was guaranteed to have my attention; the swimsuit edition!

Ah yes! Nothing like perusing the pages of the publication to see perennial beauty. And unlike some of my gender counterparts, I'm not one who has a preference for the 'model' bodies, or for the 'regular' woman type. I love them all. I think a woman who is willing to strut around in a bikini has all the confidence in the world, and I like confidence. I don't think I have a preference for the two-piece stuff either because some of the hottest pictures I can remember are of the one-piece variety. It's all about the figure inside the outfit.

And speaking of the figure inside the outfit, I don't have a washboard stomach (more like a small barrel) so I can't talk about who should and shouldn't be in beach gear. And, obviously, since this is a free country, I surely couldn't tell anybody what they can't wear. But there are some women who, quite frankly, should be nowhere near a swimsuit. You can be too big and too small for such an outfit. Look, if you can't see your toes, then maybe you shouldn't be wearing something that shows up the stomach that is barring you from seeing the aforementioned digits.

Human after all

If you have a few stretch marks, sure, get out the impy-skimpy stuff! You're human after all. But if specific parts of your body look like a miniature car drove over you and left tyre marks in your skin, then leave the two-piece in the store where you were eyeing it. A one-piece (with the right design) and you might be good to go. If you can squeeze through your front grille without opening it, you may be a tad thin and a T-shirt would be better. A small T-shirt please; you don't want a big, wet shirt to stifle you.

Also, because I'm old-fashioned, I believe that if you're going to be sporting sexy swimwear, make sure to do what the outfits were made for; swim! Don't sit on the rocks profiling and taking a tan. Don't walk around the beach 'magelling'. Get in the water, splash around and have real fun. Pu' dung di cellphone an' stop tex' message! Try to (gasp) even get your hair wet! And this goes for all the swimsuit wearers. I think I dislike this habit even worse than those who are wearing what they shouldn't be wearing.

Most important, if you look good in a bikini (and know it), do not criticise other women who aren't as eye-catching as you are. That's for us guys to do!