Sat | Sep 5, 2015

Doctor's Advice - Foursome gone wrong

Published:Sunday | August 8, 2010


  • Q.  My husband and I are involved in a foursome, but it is not working out very well and I would like your advice on what to do.  We run a very successful business, our children are in their teens, and will be leaving home soon.

We have two very good friends, who have been married for more than 15 years. I get along well with the other woman, and we do some voluntary work together. The men share a mutual interest in sports. So this was a very tranquil situation until about a year ago. My husband and the other gentleman went out drinking one evening, and while in a bar, they cooked up this idea that we all could have a foursome.

Neither the other wife nor I was very keen on the idea. But within a couple of weeks, we both decided to accept our husband's wishes. I must admit that in my case, my decision was influenced by the fact that the other man is very attractive and in very good physical shape, more than my husband.

The first time we tried it was an evening when the children were away for the night. My husband went over to the couple's house and 'Mr X' came over. I was happy to let him make love to me. He was like a tiger in the sack. He seemed to be desperate to get as much of my body as he could; he was a very considerate lover.

When my husband came back, he said that his night had also gone very well. So everybody seemed happy. For the next few months, it happened about once a week. I must admit that I found it very exciting, and I began looking forward to his visits. Mrs X told me that she thought it was fun and had put a new sparkle in her sex life.

However, a few weeks ago things began to go wrong. The men suggested that we all be in the same room together and take turns. That did not go very well. I felt shy about the whole thing. I began to feel that my body was not as good as Mrs X's. I started to get the feeling that both men were more interested in her than me.Towards the end of one evening, both men started urging us to 'make out'. Mrs X was very keen on this, and immediately threw herself into it, trying very hard to make me orgasm.

But I just could not make myself give her oral stimulation. They laughed at me, and she made unkind comments about how I was too hung up about sex. The big blow came the following night. My husband told me that he thinks he may be in love with her. I burst into tears and ran from the house. What should I do now, Doctor? We are due to meet the other couple next week.

A.  Your story demonstrates the dangers of wife swapping. At the beginning, it usually sounds like fun. But after a while, tensions and jealousies often erupt. People start becoming resentful of the way they have been treated. Sometimes, they fall in love with the 'wrong' partner. I have known situations where it ended in violence.

Your best hope is to bring an end to this arrangement immediately. Tell the others that you will not take part in it any more.

It seems like the biggest problem may be the fact that your husband thinks he may be in love with Mrs X. I advise you to persuade him to go to a marriage counsellor with you immediately. I also suggest that you see a doctor and have tests for chlamydia and other sexually transmitted infections. It is quite likely that Mr and Mrs X are having sex elsewhere and could have picked up some germs.


  • Q  At the age of 43, I have developed the habit of taking both Viagra and Cialis at the same time.  Is that safe, Doctor?

A.  That is crazy. Viagra and Cialis are both powerful drugs, and should not be taken together. Please see a doctor, so he can determine why you are having erection difficulties.


  • Q. My husband is away a lot, because he works on ships. This month he came home with a very intense skin itch all over his body, including his private parts. I made him go to the doctor, who diagnosed him with scabies. Is this a form of VD? Does the presence of this infection mean that he has been unfaithful?

A. Scabies is very common around the world. It is also known as 'the itch', because it causes an unbelievable itch, especially at night. It is caused by a parasitic mite, is a tiny eight-legged creature.

It is caught by coming in contact with someone who has scabies. But that does NOT mean that it is necessarily transmitted through sex. So there is no evidence at all that your husband has been unfaithful. However, when he came home, the parasites may have jumped from him on to you. So you need to get treatment as well. The treatment consists of applying an anti-scabies lotion or cream, all over the body.


  • Q. Whenever I use a condom, I get an intense itching sensation and sometimes it is very painful. Why?

A. You are likely allergic to one of the ingredients in the rubber. If you check online, you will find that it is possible to buy low-allergy condoms.


  • Q. At the age of 37, my period has suddenly become very painful. I have never had this trouble before. Why is it happening?

A. You could have one of a number of gynaecological conditions. Statistically, the most likely is endometriosis, which often affects women in their 30s. It is a condition in which pieces of the lining of the womb occurs in the wrong place. I advise you to see a gynaecologist as soon as possible.


  • Q. I am a 49-year-old male and on some days I still manage to have sex four or five times. Could this hurt me in any way, Doctor?

A.  No, if you can manage it, carry on. There is no way this could hurt you.

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